Asshat continues paddling. FloZach finally makes it to the paddleboat and they start pedaling. "I suggest you put all that desire into these pedals right now," Zach says. Flo continues whining. She loudly moans that she doesn't want to make herself exhausted if they're eliminated anyway. "It's so humiliating," she moans. "I got beaten out by two, like, retired people." There are so many things wrong with that sentence that I don't know where to begin, but we'll start with how stupid it is that she doesn't understand that losing is not humiliating. Acting like an idiot, however, is very humiliating.
Cut to Ian. "We're comin', Phil!" he shouts as they reach the boat. They clamber on board and go up. Welcome, Teri and Ian, you are team number four.
On the paddleboat, Zach encourages Flo to keep working, so that they can go out on a good note if they're going to go out. Flo, on the other hand, remains determined to blame the entire thing on the pants. "Why did you have to take your pants off?" she whines. He explains that they would have gotten caught in the gears, and I think the point is that if he had to either ride with them rolled up or worry about them getting caught, it would have slowed him down, so unzipping the zippers -- which could easily have been a fifteen- or twenty-second chore -- was faster. There is no way that's the reason they're behind. They get to the boat at long and merciful last. They reach Phil. Welcome, FloZach, you are last to arrive. The "good" news is that you are not Philiminated. Damn. Of course, as soon as she hears this, Flo leaps happily into Zach's arms, because now everything is okay! Yay! Shut up, Flo. She tells him she's sorry, which is of course easy to say now that it doesn't matter anymore. Of course, if they lost, she was thoroughly and totally ready to blame his ass for probably the rest of his life. She immediately declares that what she did wrong was to give up. Of course, what she did wrong that was much worse was her insistence on blaming her partner. Among other things, she demanded that he do the Roadblock, so he's entitled to a little slack no matter how long it took, because it's not like she could have done better. She then actually whines that by staying so positive, Zach makes her look bad. Someone throttle her. Please. In an interview, she says how lucky she was to have Zach, and how bad it was that she gave up. She literally squeals on the mat that this is why they make a good team. Right. Because she constantly does this, and he constantly keeps her on an even keel. Now she loves him. Now she thinks he's smart. I keep casting around for something more descriptive than "shut up," but "shut up" is all I keep wanting to say. Shut up, Flo.