Amazing Race
Why Did You Have To Take Your Pants Off?!, Part I

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Everything Flo's downhill from here

Ken and Gerard, adorable in their little helmets, are getting directions to the marina where they'll find the steamship.

Drew struggles. "Drew, try everything!" Derek demands. Because his attitude is so helpful. Zach is actually not particularly good at the task, either. Not too much manual labor at Vassar, I suppose. This is what happens when you expect poets to build stuff.

In their car, Asshat is looking for the Chateau, and then before you know it, they're at the clue. Ian sighs like an angry twelve-year-old girl at the Roadblock description, but does eventually take on the Roadblock. "Okay, fine," he says unhappily.

Finally, under Derek's eagle eye, Drew finishes the bike and is given clearance to leave. They ask for directions and get going.

Now it's just Ian and Zach, working away on the bikes. "It pays to have kids," Teri mutters. Ian says that he has put together some bikes in his day. Boy, I bet complex toy assembly is a pretty cheerful activity in the Asshat household. Considering that even my mild-mannered parents can get to wanting to strangle each other when they have to do tasks like that, I'd be surprised if the scenario under consideration here is very enjoyable. I envision a lot of screaming and throwing of wrenches.

Ken and Gerard reach the marina. Back at the bikes, Flo reports to Zach that Ian is having trouble with the brakes. Zach is like, "Brakes?" Hee. Then back to Ken and Gerard, frantically bicycling through what looks like a little park by the marina and then hopping into a paddleboat. Derek and Drew are close behind.

Zach is working on the bike. Work, Zach, work! Flo is watching, wearing her I-hate-you pouty-face. Because the best response to stress is to despise your partner for taking some time to do a task you refused to do. It's productive, pleasant, and fair! As she watches, Ian continues working on the Asshat bike.

Ken and Gerard arrive at the boat. "Hey, Phil, where are ya?" Kenny calls out just as they step on board. They find their way to Phil and hop on the mat. "Safe!" Kenny says in his best Mary Katherine Gallagher voice. "Don't even try it," he says to a scowling Phil. "Don't try it with the faces, we know we're ahead of these other people...do what you need to do, go ahead." "Do your shtick," Gerard allows. Phil unleashes the most glorious eyebrow-pop in the history of civilization right here. Damn, I love Phil. "Bring it on!" they say, beckoning him with their arms. "Ken and Gerard," Phil grins. "YAAY! Finally!" yells Kenny. He tells them they're team number two, and they yell "YAAY!" again and hug. Aww.

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Amazing Race

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