Amazing Race
Why Did You Have To Take Your Pants Off?!, Part I

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Everything Flo's downhill from here

Ian has the Asshat bike checked, while Zach continues to work. We get a monster close-up of Zach's cheek, with a little bead of sweat on it. Hmm. I find my reaction to that quite unexpected after all these weeks and all those headbands under the bridge. Must be that old liberal-arts black magic kicking in. Let's not discuss it. Meanwhile, Asshat gets the clue and leaves Zach as the only one still working. Go, Zach, go!

Derek and Drew arrive at the marina and get in the paddleboats. Paddle, paddle, paddle.

Ian and Teri leave. Zach's bike is rejected by CG as "not safe." He works some more.

Here come Derek and Drew to the mat. Welcome, boys, you are team number three.

As Asshat pedals down the street, FloZach finally gets the clue and takes off. But before they do, Zach stops to take off the bottoms of his convertible pants/shorts so the legs don't get stuck in the bike. It looks like this takes about thirty seconds, tops, and then they leave. Of course, the real reason it looks like it takes Zach a while to get ready to go is that he has to do things like strap his helmet on, which Flo did while he was working on the damn bike. She whine-overs that this kept them from getting going immediately.

Asshat pedals. They ask for directions and get them, and keep going. Meanwhile, Flo begins her Great Downfall. Not that she had very far to fall, but this is the worst outburst of un-racer-ly behavior I have probably ever seen all in one giant burst, and it's about to get real ugly around here. "We lost," she snots to Zach as they ride. "We lost this entire race." He urges her to keep going. "We did, Zach! Everyone is in front of us!" she screeches. Now normally, "screech" in this context is hyperbole. But when Flo does it, it is actually screeching. She actually reaches that point where your voice pops up into a scream. "We can still beat Teri and Ian," he says. "We can't, because you decided to undo your pants!" she snots.

Elsewhere, Asshat continues pedaling. Teri's shirt is all hunched up and blowing in such a way that it looks like she has a giant hump, which I am not too mature to find amusing. As they ride, she falls off the bike. BLAM! Onto the pavement. Ow. Ian actually asks her if she's okay, to his credit. But then he says, "You gotta get up."

Commercials. Buy your tickets online -- all the stupid people are doing it!

FloZach is biking, unaware of Teri's troubles. Teri, on the other hand, is doing her best to get herself righted again. She tells Ian that the bike is broken. As he tries to fix it, Ian can't help snotting, "Aw, Teri." "I fell off on purpose," she says sarcastically. They're just such lovely people, really.

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Amazing Race

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