Amazing Race
Why Did You Have To Take Your Pants Off?!, Part I

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Everything Flo's downhill from here

Cut to Ian. "We're comin', Phil!" he shouts as they reach the boat. They clamber on board and go up. Welcome, Teri and Ian, you are team number four.

On the paddleboat, Zach encourages Flo to keep working, so that they can go out on a good note if they're going to go out. Flo, on the other hand, remains determined to blame the entire thing on the pants. "Why did you have to take your pants off?" she whines. He explains that they would have gotten caught in the gears, and I think the point is that if he had to either ride with them rolled up or worry about them getting caught, it would have slowed him down, so unzipping the zippers -- which could easily have been a fifteen- or twenty-second chore -- was faster. There is no way that's the reason they're behind. They get to the boat at long and merciful last. They reach Phil. Welcome, FloZach, you are last to arrive. The "good" news is that you are not Philiminated. Damn. Of course, as soon as she hears this, Flo leaps happily into Zach's arms, because now everything is okay! Yay! Shut up, Flo. She tells him she's sorry, which is of course easy to say now that it doesn't matter anymore. Of course, if they lost, she was thoroughly and totally ready to blame his ass for probably the rest of his life. She immediately declares that what she did wrong was to give up. Of course, what she did wrong that was much worse was her insistence on blaming her partner. Among other things, she demanded that he do the Roadblock, so he's entitled to a little slack no matter how long it took, because it's not like she could have done better. She then actually whines that by staying so positive, Zach makes her look bad. Someone throttle her. Please. In an interview, she says how lucky she was to have Zach, and how bad it was that she gave up. She literally squeals on the mat that this is why they make a good team. Right. Because she constantly does this, and he constantly keeps her on an even keel. Now she loves him. Now she thinks he's smart. I keep casting around for something more descriptive than "shut up," but "shut up" is all I keep wanting to say. Shut up, Flo.

I was going to write Flo a long rant somewhere along here, but I'm just going to leave it at this: The giving up was horrible, but the blaming Zach was unforgivable. He deserved a better apology, and more to the point a different apology, and I hope he eventually got it. Just saying.

Will FloZach recover from their poor showing? Will Zach finally turn the cannon on Flo and empty it? Can Jill and John Vito stay at the front of the pack? Is the race ever going to get out of Europe? Tune in for the second half of this two-hour episode and find out.

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Amazing Race

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