Amazing Race
Why Did You Have To Take Your Pants Off?!, Part I

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Everything Flo's downhill from here

5:08 AM. John Vito and Jill read the clue and start walking from the pit stop. Jon Bon Vito says that finishing last in the non-elimination leg was "horrible" and they hated it. Their "game plan" is just staying out of last place. They chat a little about their still-available Fast Forward as they walk toward up the glacier hill, still in the dark.

Nerd Lust is on its way back to the hotel where the Pit Stop was, while the rest of the teams are apparently planning to wait by the place where the hike will be. JVJ have a Grindelwald guidebook, and as the Bald Snark watches from afar, they open it and check up on the destination. JVJ is first to the charming little lodge that apparently is serving as a place for them to wait for the hike. Ken and Gerard arrive shortly thereafter. Both teams are surprised that Nerd Lust is not present.

Asshat, meanwhile, is lost, and is flagging down traffic trying to find its way to the glacier. A friendly fellow in a truck helps them out, and before you know it, they join the frontrunners at the lodge. Stop helping, friendly truck guy.

At this point, we adjourn to the Nerd Lust suite, where the Music Guys and the Amazing Editors get all sweaty from the strain of trying to make it look like there's some great intrigue going on involving Zach's repressed jealousy and the great tension that this whole Drew flirtation is causing between him and Flo. In fact, Zach is just kind of tired. I mean, I don't think he likes being abandoned by his partner, but I really don't think he's pining for Flo. Nevertheless, psychotic and tense music is played over footage of Flo trying to entice Drew by trying to stare at Drew in a sexy fashion. And then she makes a sort of a fishface. Heh. Somehow, the music is implying that Zach's bland expression is the result of his great romantic agony, but given how boring everything going on in the room actually is, that hardly seems like the most likely explanation. Flo. Drew. Flo. Drew. Tinkly piano. Bored Zach. Whatever. This is by far the most Real World moment they've ever had on this show, including the pointless shot of the moon. Of course, if it really were The Real World, they'd be playing music where some girl sings about the time she fell in love with one of a pair of twins while on a race around the world with her platonic best friend. I am half-expecting to see a close-up of a fork lying on the ground. Fork-fork-FOOORK! The best part is where they cut to Flo and Drew in bed together, which is real sexy except for the part where (1) he's staring at the ceiling; (2) they're not touching; (3) Derek is lying at the foot of the bed; and (4) everyone has all their clothes on. Other than that, though, they're totally practically doing it.

Meanwhile at the Spellentoughenlongenworden Lodge, John Vito goes to bed in a lime-green sleep mask. Man, he just blew right by Esquire for the ugliest sleep mask shot of all time. And he's not even mouth-breathing. Asshat and the Bald Snark are sleeping on benches at the lounge as well. Ian makes a weird air-puffing noise, like he's either snoring with his hands up over his face or he's doing raspberries for no reason.

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Amazing Race

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