Earlier this evening on The Glorious Goats of Europe: Jill and John Vito grabbed the Fast Forward and glided into first place, giving new meaning to "smile and say 'cheese.'" Everyone called home to say, "I love you; please send soap and earplugs." Teri wiped out, Drew just about chickened out, and Flo copped out, freaked out, and washed out. Drew and Flo flirted to the best of their abilities, which is to say not very well. FloZach were the cellar-dwellers at the finish, due to Flo's whining and complaining as well as the fact that her shapely fanny apparently was on a general strike. The leg proved to be non-elimination, however, so once again we learned that she who bites and runs away lives to bite another day.
We rejoin the teams on the Savoie, a steamship on Lake Geneva, as the ship chugs toward Lucerne, Switzerland. Phil comments that will be no more near-misses, because the next time we hit the mat, somebody is getting the boot but good. As Phil discusses Jill and John Vito's unfortunate squandering of the FF in the surprise non-elimination leg, we see Jill stretching and a shirtless John Vito (dang!) rummaging in his pack for something. Rummage, shirtless John Vito, rummage! Flo makes her best Pretty Girl Face at Drew as Phil wonders whether the Nerd Lust romantic plodding will create problems within the affected teams. Because Zach is apparently bitter and jealous, and is just trying to appear bored and irritated. Phil also, of course, wonders "which of the five remaining teams...will be eliminated next?" Phil! You misplaced your pause. I'm telling you, this two-hour thing has thrown Phil off his game tonight with the catchphrases. Without the dramatic shot of the red and black mat, I would be completely confused. I'm sorry, what show is this?
We are [BOMP]-less.
When we return from the non-credits, there is some serious spastic camera work, although it's not around the boat, so the camera guys are apparently just sort of out on the town. You know, careening drunkenly, as they are wont to do.
12:42 AM. Jill and John Vito. They open the clue, and it sends them to the Jet D'Eau. Phil explains, over the usual dramatic, stomach-churning, speeding-car POV footage, that the Jet D'Eau is a big fountain in Geneva. This will not surprise you if you know even enough French to follow Bugs Bunny cartoons taking place in Paris. The Jet D'Eau is the largest fountain in Europe, actually, at 450 feet tall. Wow, that's some Jet. And a whole lotta D'Eau. JVJ takes off, as Jill voices over about how hard it is to stay focused on the race and take care of everything you need to take care of. Jill, in essence, articulately describes the effects of Killer Fatigue. John Vito adds that while some of the other teams seem to get on each other's nerves just a tad (heh), he and Jill don't really have that problem very much. They walk along hunting for a taxi, and JV hypothesizes that Jet D'Eau might be a mountain or a volcano, given that the clue says to go to the "base" of it. They figure they can ask their cab driver if they ever find one. When they do find one, they encounter a bit of a language barrier, but he does agree to take them to it, after giving them the heads-up that it's in Geneva.
2:00 AM. Ken and Gerard. (Those of you who suspected that JVJ's lead wasn't very big, because the all-Switzerland leg didn't go very far and wasn't very well designed, will notice that you were right.) As they walk, they voice over that they didn't expect to make it as far as they have, given their age and lack of ultimate studliness, but they're now planning, or perhaps hoping, to "blow 'em out of the water." Presumably "they" are the young and/or studly. And also Teri and Ian. They get a little help from a friendly local, and then they're into a cab for the fountain as well.