We fast-forward to Joey & Meghan delivering their seventh barrel. And wouldn't you know it, Mona & Beth get lost and ask for directions and find out they've gone far out of their way. Back in Duddingston, Joey & Meghan heave their last barrel into place and head back to the church. "How do you U-Turn faces like that?" Meghan says of their sad-face photo. Easily, and at every possible opportunity. However, they're smart enough to get directions back into town from a local even before leaving the village. "Maybe another team got lost," Meghan says as she drives off, as though that team isn't usually this one. But then we cut to Mona & Beth, lost.
Next thing we know, both teams appear to have the objective in sight, but then the derby moms miss a traffic light after being stuck behind a bus on a narrow, one-lane street. There's the traditional frantic cutting back and forth between the two teams, and finally, when team number four shows up, it's Mona & Beth. "You are still in the race," Phil tells them. They hug, and Beth interviews, "We proved that you give us a Speed Bump, you could throw us a U-Turn, and we're still gonna be here." Mona adds that they're not just moms and they're not just derby girls. "We're like, all of that and more!" Including, in Mona's case at this particular moment, the "before" shot in a shampoo ad. I'm sorry, I wasn't going to say anything but she set me up there and I couldn't leave it alone.
Joey & Meghan finally make it to the mat, and the Jekyll/Hyde guy bends down and spits in their faces, "Welcome tae Edinburgh, Scotland!" Meghan squeals, "You scared me!" Phil looks down at Team YouTube and says to Meghan and then Joey, "This time you're smiling and you're crying." Joey says he's pretty sure they're the last team to arrive. Phil says they are, and they have been eliminated. I think that's the longest he's made anyone wait to hear the bad news in several seasons, so clearly he hates them. They sigh tearfully and say they made it a lot further than they expected. "It's been the best time of my life," Joey says. I believe that completely. And bagpipe music accompanies their walk of shame from the mat, presumably to console themselves with a dinner of whiskey and haggis.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.