Amazing Race
You Always Just Forget About Me!

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Miss Alli: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Tanks for the memories

Michael and Kathy continue to seek the field where the games are. Their cab driver, a squatty platinum blonde in a yellow-green polo shirt, stops for directions, and is told that she needs to go back about three or four miles.

Duxford Imperial War Museum, home of the Fast Forward. As guitarish music that sounds like it would accompany the aftermath of a highly dramatic Real World fork-throwing incident plays, we come in on several shots of big tanks. Oh, incidentally, a couple of the forum posters would like me to tell you that, technically, these are not tanks. They're armored personnel carriers. I know you really care. I certainly do. Anyway, a tank sits at the starting line of the FF, and Dennis and Andrew prepare for the obstacle course. Dennis drives the tank, with clear assistance from someone with camouflage arms, who probably doesn't want him to drive the tank into the ocean or anything like that. And probably doesn't want him to steal it, either. He zooms around the course, crashing into a little water hazard and climbing right back out, as Andrew voices over that they "gambled big" in an effort to "win big." They finish the tank course in a minute and fifteen seconds, and Andrew raves in a voice-over about how great his Dad was. Clearly, Andrew rode in the back of the tank, because when it's over, he stands up and jumps up and down, still wearing his helmet. They are pumped as they read the FF clue, which tells them to go directly to the castle pit stop. Dennis whaps Andrew on the helmet, hard, as they run off. Aw. The show also provides them with what I think may be a harbinger of doom, which is a chauffeured limousine to the castle. They enjoy the limo, including the bottle of wine that Dennis displays proudly. When they're on the way, they say that it's time to just relax, because there's nothing they can do about it now, so they might as well enjoy the ride.

Commercials. Chef Boyardee certainly does keep coming up with new and interesting ways to arrange pasty pasta and toy meat.

Aaron and Heather continue to work on the games. "Aaron, this is hard!" Heather complains. Hey, just like that Math Barbie that they had to recall. Meanwhile, Derek and Drew and Ken and Gerard head for the castle. Aaron gets the hammer to land on the yellow line, and then joyfully runs off, yelling, "Shot-put! Shot-put! Shot-put!" It's strangely endearing, or it would be if he eased up on the attitude the rest of the time. Zach, meanwhile, struggles with the caber toss as the ever-supportive Flo complains that it's taking him too long. Heather hypothesizes that she is a little too strong for the hammer toss. Do I even need to point out that there's no such thing as "too strong" when it comes to dropping the hammer? Zach finally gets the pole to obey, and then Heather finally wins with the hammer. Whatever camera guy is following Heave gets yet another shot of Heather's ass as she bends over to get the stone for the shot-put, which I think brings us to a count of about forty shots from the Heather's-Ass-Cam. Aaron, who apparently finds the idea of actually throwing the stone kind of unpleasant, decides to bowl it instead. He rolls it with a melodramatic grunt of agony. Arianne looks on, chewing her gum in disgust. Their guide tells Aaron that he can't roll the stone. It has to be overhand. Nice try.

Derek and Drew run for the castle. They land on The Mat Of Destiny, and Phil tells them that they're first. I have to say, that Scottish greeter is kind of scary. He's not that old, but he's got the long whitish hair, like he's the old puppet in Tales From The Kilt. "Woo!" say the Twins. They interview about how the alliance against them is "definitely making it more fun." They go on, "It's great. Now it's, like, this force that you have to beat. It's fantastic. Now we have, like, an opponent." This could theoretically be crap, but I think they're actually pretty sincere. This is how a lot of genuinely competitive people are -- competition motivates them, and being ganged up on is the best thing that can happen to them.

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Amazing Race

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