2:26 AM. Tian and Jaree. Tian is wearing her ever-present sleek black stretchy pants, and Jaree is wearing her ever-present like-I-care cargo pants. Seriously, I am convinced that the pants are the key to unlocking their personal conflict. Tian seems to have a firm belief that this whole thing should look like an episode of Charlie's Angels, and she's got a partner who dresses like Amy Wynn. It's no wonder they're fighting. Anyway, the clue tells them to get to Amsterdam, Holland, which Phil explains is a thousand miles away. Not wanting to be too obvious with the clichés, the camera guys swoop over a windmill to illustrate the concept of "Holland." HAVE A TULIP! AND PERHAPS A DISEASED ELM! In Amsterdam, Phil says that teams will have to find the Magere Brug, which is reportedly a famous bridge, though it's not clear what it's famous for. Phil does say it's the "famous skinny white bridge," so maybe it's famous for being skinny and white. (I hear that's the only kind of bridge Harrison Ford will cross anymore, by the way.) Anyway, for this leg of the race, they're only getting $90. Why do I think it's by design that they haven't padded the racers with cash as they send them to the land of legal pot and hookers? Tian and Jaree toss their stuff in the car and talk about finding their way to the Marseilles airport. On the road, they have a tense exchange in the car about directions, and Jaree interviews that she's not so big on being treated like a child just because she drives instead of reading the map. I totally agree that backseat navigators tend to forget that driving is partly in the execution, and it's not like the person driving isn't doing anything. The driver is the one who actually has to get the car into the lane she needs, and manage the strange roads. The driver isn't always the slacker in these situations; it's just a different skill.
2:41 AM. Al and ClownJon, and Millie and Chuck. (Note how tiny Tian and Jaree's FF-driven lead was. In part, that's what you get for taking a Fast Forward late in the leg.) There is entirely too much enthused hooting going on as the International Society of Clowns and Virgins runs off the mat. And who is that that makes the "ay ay ay" Speedy Gonzalez noise all the time? Is that Millie? Stop that, whoever you are. I'm not offended or anything; it just makes me really want Mexican food. In an interview, Millie gets things off to a foreboding start by defying Kelly's description of her as "too happy." In fact, she doesn't seem happy at all. "I feel like Chuck doesn't even know me in some ways," she says. Snerk. You know, you'd think that a couple in their situation would have a list on the backs of their hands of Double-Entendre Land Mines to Avoid, but if they do, she forgot to consult it. Millie and Chuck both look utterly miserable in this interview, as she goes on to say that she's traveled and done a lot of things, and Chuck just doesn't seem to "respect" that. Which appears to mean, "I know how things should be done, and he won't listen to me." Criminy. You can't expect people to do whatever you tell them to do just because you tell them to do it, even if you think you know more than they do. ["Oh, sure, now you tell me." -- Sars] Over in the clown car, ClownJon wisely voices over that they're trying not to pay attention to other teams; they're just trying to do well and always run the race like they're in last place. "Push, push, push," he says in an interview. What's this? A goofball attitude and intelligent racing? Hmm, seems promising.