Amazing Race
You Are Just Deliberately Trying To Make Us Lose!

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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In the manure to which you've become accustomed

Al suggests they do the cow manure. "Cow manure!" ClownJon yells manically, in exactly the way that drove me totally nuts at the beginning of the season and is sort of inexplicably growing on me. They do seem to throw themselves into everything with great enthusiasm, and given the increasingly grim attitudes of some of these teams as they begin to get really tired, a little irrational exuberance goes a long way. Plus, all other things being equal, I gravitate toward weird people.

Millie is laying into Chuck but good for making a wrong turn. "Chuck, I begged you back there not to turn," she says coldly. "I said, 'Please...,' and you don't even acknowledge that I have an opinion." In an interview, Millie says that this is just how they are in their normal lives together. [Shudder.] Elsewhere, Kelly and Jon snap at each other that they're mad about screwing up, but they wind up on the same side -- mad at themselves for following Chuck and Millie, who turned out to be clueless. As the Kelly and BuffJon boat passes the Millie and Chuck boat, Millie mutters, and Kelly mutters, and then Kelly mutters about Millie muttering. Yeah, I'd say those two are not friends. At least Jon and Kelly wind up muttering together about Millie and Chuck, rather than muttering about each other, and that's what makes me feel like although they're not terrifically nice people, it's not an ugly relationship.

Monica and Sheree, it appears, also started out going the wrong direction, so they turn around, too. They ask a guy walking by the canal whether they're on the right track for the museum, and he claims that they are. Probably about the best information they're going to get right now. My favorite part is that Monica could not sound more clear in calling out, "Is this the way to the Sheep Fart Museum?" When I first noticed that, it's really wrong how much it made me laugh. Because that would be quite a museum, I would think.

Tian and Jaree are fighting. Jaree has the map, and she is trying to explain that Tian is driving, and needs to let her navigate. "I know more than you know about where we are," she insists, map in hand. "Back off, don't talk to me like that," says an offended Tian, who of course would never talk in a pushy or unpleasant manner to her partner. Jaree very accurately claims that Tian is just pissed off because she was wrong and Jaree is right. "All I'm saying is let's go back this way," Jaree says, quite evenly. Tian insists that Jaree doesn't know where they are, either. Jaree explains that she does, and her tone of voice sounds like it's genuinely supposed to be reassuring. "We're going back this way, and I think we should make a right, and go towards the center --" At this point, Tian reaches out and snatches the map out of Jaree's hands, hard. Jaree turns and looks directly at the camera and says, "Wow," like, "Did you see that shit?" That's exactly what I do when someone does something I really, really object to -- I say, "Wow." Anyway. "She's so...amazing," Jaree says in a phony happy voice. Tian says Jaree has said before that she isn't good with maps, and now she's claiming she is. Jaree points out that it's relative -- she has in fact mastered this particular map, and feels like she understands where they are. Tian holds up the map in both of her hands and insists that Jaree show her where they are on the map, but when Jaree reaches for the map to show her, Tian pulls it away. So Jaree gives Tian back some of her own behavior, reaching over and snatching it away. Wow, nice moment they're having, and it's capped off by Jaree calling Tian "dumb-ass." Goodness. I think I'm glad they didn't bring those guns they have in the credits.

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Amazing Race

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