Amazing Race
You Are Just Deliberately Trying To Make Us Lose!

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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In the manure to which you've become accustomed

Commercials. If my dog talked, but had nothing to comment on except the quality of the mustard I was using, that would be very disappointing to me.

Monica and Sheree continue to struggle with their vehicle. They're not far from the entrance of the ranch, which you'd hope would give them a better shot at getting help.

Kelly and BuffJon rip-read at The Smoker. BuffJon takes the eel Roadblock.

The Falconettes flag down a truck. Yay! The guy ties their car to his van, and he pulls them out of the muck. The degree of relief I experienced when that happened is directly proportional to how much I apparently now dig the Falconettes. They get on their way.

BuffJon is grabbing eels. "What do they feel like?" Kelly asks. "They feel like a slippery penis," BuffJon says. "I want to touch one!" Kelly says. Dude, he should have let her do the Roadblock! She wouldn't have needed to do another one for a week. BuffJon finishes the Roadblock and he and Kelly grab the pit stop clue.

Al and ClownJon, completing another solid performance, arrive at the mat. Welcome, clowns, you are team number two.

Things are not as merry in Tian and Jaree's car, where they are presumably in search of the poo ranch. "I don't need a fucking bitch like you," Jaree says as she reaches into the back seat and snatches the map from Tian. "I'm sick of you. You are just deliberately trying to make us lose." "I told you I would drive," Tian says, suddenly all tired-little-fawn in the back seat. "Oh, shut up. 'Cause you're going to get your face punched, believe me." Boy. Don't know exactly what happened there, but Miss Tian has wilted something fierce, and her partner is not taking it well. Tian stares out the window as Jaree continues looking at the map. "I'm sure everybody else found it with ease, because they have partners that helps [sic] them." Sheesh.

AirSteve and Dave arrive at Cheesetown to fulfill their mission of never doing the thing that would be faster, ever. Way to choose the task most likely to tear your cartilage, there, guys. ["Pathetically enough, I have some experience in dealing with manure and a bum joint at the same time, and if the bad knee is what motivated their decision, I can get behind that. Manure is not a stable walking surface; given a choice, you'd probably rather do a job that's harder physically as long as it allows you to control the joint's range of motion, instead of flailing around trying to keep your balance. In other news, baling hay? So, so boring." -- Sars] They step into the wooden shoes and watch warily as the experienced cheese-carriers literally run by with the stretcher between them. "Hey, you got bigger shoes than us!" AirSteve protests. Hee. In an interview, a laughing AirSteve says, "Had we known, we might've gone ass-to-elbows in crap." They have an audience for the cheese-carrying as well, incidentally. Just as with Chip and Reichen, there is a discussion about the importance of the back guy not pushing the front guy. They load their cheese onto the scale, and -- again repeating Chip and Reichen's performance -- they have brought 72 kilograms on their first trip.

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Amazing Race

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