Amazing Race
You Are Just Deliberately Trying To Make Us Lose!

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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In the manure to which you've become accustomed

At British Airways, Millie is booking tickets on the 6:50 AM flight to London for the International Society of Clowns and Virgins. Back at Air France, Tian hands a ticket to Jaree while Kelly asks the ticket lady whether they're flying into Orly or Charles de Gaulle. "Charles de Gaulle," the lady explains. You wouldn't think it would matter, but it does, a little, later. Hee -- "flying into Charles de Gaulle" sounds like something that would happen in a movie called The Fantastic Voyage II: The Eminent Cadaver.

Monica and Sheree book the British Airways route along with the ISCV and the Chipsters.

The trailing teams of AirSteve and Dave and David and Jeff make their way into the airport. They learn from the Air France lady that the only thing she can do for them is route them through Paris on a flight that actually lands at Orly, at which point they'll have to take a taxi to Charles de Gaulle to catch the connection. Total time on the ground? One hour. Yeah, that seems like sound planning. I have to think they got reassurance that if they missed that connection, there was another one not too much later, because it would be truly insane to put all your eggs in the basket of making a connection when you have one hour on the ground and have to take a taxi ride in the middle. I hear a lot of great things about transportation in Europe, but I'm not sure the taxis can teleport yet.

At 6:25, the lead Air France flight takes off, carrying Tian and Jaree and Kelly and BuffJon. The AYL shows its path through Paris to Amsterdam. At 6:50, the British Airways folks (the ISCV, Chipsters, and Falconettes) take off and zing across the map via London while Chuck eats a sandwich and the clowns, unsurprisingly, fence with the plastic silverware. They don't show it, but you know it started with somebody saying, "En garde!" You know it.

At 7:14, the Bad Idea Airlines flight to Orly takes off with AirSteve and Dave and David and Jeff, taking them to try to catch the Oh Yeah Right Express connection to Amsterdam. On the flight, Jeff points out that AirSteve and Dave are literally right behind them -- like, in the following row. The teams share a chuckle at this. The AYL takes them as far as Paris, and then stops as we watch their plane land at Orly. They deplane, and Jeff and David run for a taxi. AirSteve and Dave, of course, amble for a taxi with all the urgency of Gene Kelly and Leslie Caron strolling along the Seine. Jeff, in his cab, asks the driver if they can make it to Charles de Gaulle by 9:10, which the driver says is "thirty minutes," and the driver says it will be "tight." When the driver says "tight," that means "no." (Later, the guys talk about missing a 10:15 flight out of Charles de Gaulle, so I'm not sure how the times fit together here, but I have to assume somebody misspoke at some point, because if they were trying to get to Charles de Gaulle by 9:10 for a 10:15 flight, they had more than an hour between landing an takeoff, obviously.) Anyway, AirSteve and Dave find a cab, too, but both teams are soon caught in traffic, as the Foreboding Chimes Of Congestion express thusly: "Bong! Bong!" David, staring forward in a zombie-like fashion, explains that there's been an accident, so they're not moving. You know, when the highlight of your storyline is That One Time When We Sat In Traffic, you know you're struggling to find your place in the grand scheme of things, plot-wise.

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Amazing Race

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