Previously on Train in Vain: Enough Ethiopia, let's move on to Sri Lanka, where the elephants are friendly and the restrooms are now full of what used to be Kendra's stomach contents. El Hornio threw an El Hissy when he and Rebecca missed a train early in the leg, not accounting for the six inevitable bunching points yet to come. Rebecca got him back on track by pretending to like him, as indifferent bitches have been doing for moody nitwits for many centuries. Hayden freaked out when she got stuck in a tree, but Aaron coaxed her down, much as the fire department would do with any similarly frightened little critter. Lori and Bolo just flat-out didn't read their clue, for which she blamed him in a rather egregious display of huh-what? Their mistake came close to the end of the leg, so they were Philiminated, and they went home to iron out their differences in the ring with neck holds and body slams, like happy married people are supposed to. After all, that's probably what Don and MJ did. Four teams are left. Who will be eliminated...not nearly soon enough? (Is that a spoiler?)

Credits. In the credits of my imagination, Freddy drops her. I'm just saying. Not so that she gets hurt or anything. Just so she's doing double-time with the Water Pik for the next two weeks, getting the sand out of her teeth.

Commercials. Now what do you suppose "color-resist technology" is, in the lip products field? I'm anxious to know, because when I think about what's really comfortable to wear on your lips, the first thing that comes to mind, for me, is "industrial-strength sealants."

Loud drums confirm that we are back in Sri Lanka, the home of buses, fabulous buildings, and one really, really pissed-off monkey. Seriously. That monkey is bad-ass. That monkey will cut you. Specifically, we are at Lion Rock, or at least the Ramada at Lion Rock, where teams landed, dripping wet, at the end of the last leg. And there's that monkey again! Man. Phil wonders whether Hayden and Aaron's endless bickering (which he generously calls their "frustration with each other") will hinder them, and whether El Hornio and Rebecca will just kiss already. (Not really.)

11:59 PM. Kris and Jon. With a smile, she reads the clue that tells them to fly to Shanghai, China. Phil explains that this jaunt is more than 4000 miles, and that when they land, they'll head for Yu Yuan Gardens, where they'll find a clue. Or, in the case of some of the teams, try desperately to get a clue. According to Kris, they have $142 for the leg. Not a palindrome! How unusual. Kris voices over that they sense the race getting more intense, and they "really have to be at the top of [their] game." To beat people like Hornio? Eh. Unless they get really crappy luck, they only need to be in about the middle of their game, I sense. They get themselves a taxi. "To the airport!" Jon says as he throws the door closed. I have an urge to shout, "Andale!", but I don't know why.

12:04 AM. Aaron voices over that he and Hayden are almost to the final three, and adds that Hayden is "bull-headed." You know you're annoying when your own boyfriend uses "bull-headed" as a euphemism. They take off in their cab. To no one's surprise, Hayden seems pissy already.

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