Amazing Race
You Deal With This Before I Hyperventilate

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Like Madonna and Sean Penn, only more tiresome

12:05 AM. Freddy and Kendra. Now Kendra says that they have $141 for the leg, in accordance with the accepted palindrome. Did Kris and Jon get an extra dollar? That seems impossible. I mean, I would give them one, but unlike me, the race logistics types don't typically play favorites. Kendra asserts that she and Freddy are getting stronger (at least intestinally speaking), although she characterizes all of the remaining teams as "super-competitive." They get a cab as she makes with the "buckle down and stay focused" talk that she learned while playing field hockey in eighth grade.

12:06 PM. Hornio. Rebecca says that they "never give up." Unfortunately, this appears to be true. Give up, Hornio! Give up! Sigh.

Kris offers her FM-jazz version of haranguing her taxi driver by stating, "We're kind of in a hurry, my friend." So harsh! Kendra, meanwhile, says that Shanghai is supposed to be "remarkably beautiful." And Rebecca says she's wanted to go to Shanghai ever since she saw Sean Penn and Madonna. Yes, in Shanghai Surprise. This is the part where the people I was watching with formulated a theory about Rebecca, which is that in this sequence, she is drunk. Certainly, her out-of-place, strange little "yah-hah-hah" cackle at the end of her double-hilarious Madonna line would suggest it might be true. Elsewhere, in the Nuance cab, Freddy says that the Model Alliance is still at work, trying to push itself up and "some of the other teams back." Uh, dude? Four teams is a lot too few for alliances to remain in effect. You are a goof, and I don't think it's just the do-rag anymore. And speaking of goofs, Possibly Drunk Rebecca is back in her taxi saying that, if they eat Chinese food in China, it won't be Chinese food, it will just be food. She slays herself. She is Rebecca the Rebecca Slayer. Dear Rebecca: When Friends stole that joke, it was already covered with the dust of pulverized dinosaur bones. Now, it just wants to die in peace. Don't prolong its suffering. Thank you.

Everyone hops out of taxis at the Colombo airport. Kris and Jon are the first to ask about and locate a Dragonair (name of my Go-Gos cover band) flight out at 7:45 the next morning. The Model Alliance follows, and then Hornio is trying to negotiate, with El Hornio saying that he wants to buy the tickets and Possibly Drunk Rebecca saying, in this exaggerated, semi-slurring way, "Just let me deal with it, honey." She even makes some weird faces while she elbows El Hornio away from the ticket counter. She's lucky she didn't get arrested, like one of those people on Airline who show up at the airport on the wrong side of eight giant tankards of Leinenkugel's.

The Amazing Yellow Line shows all the teams flying to Shanghai together via Hong Kong. And then we are in Shanghai, which actually looks quite a bit like Vegas, only with better architecture and less of a bustling on-street sex trade, at least judging by the video available here. Not that tourist footage of Vegas usually shows the on-street sex trade either, come to think of it. The teams all land and head out of the airport, with the exception of Hayden and Aaron, who have to stop in the airport to exchange their money. Outside, the teams trying to hail cabs are finding that being in China and not speaking Chinese is a little bit harder than being in, say, France without the ability to speak French. Jon says that there's a "communication barrier" trying to even get the cab in the first place. "It's not their fault; it's our fault," Kris says simply. "We're in their country, and we don't know how to communicate with them." She terms it "very frustrating." She needs some Ugly American lessons, stat! She's not the kind of person who's going to support the spread of democracy to the heathens, if you know what I mean, and I think you probably do. Inside, Hayden wants to know how many yen she can get. Aaron's like, "It's not yen," because it's not Japan, not that Hayden would be expected to know the difference between Japan and China, I guess. As Freddy and Kendra are leaving, Rebecca comes over and quizzes them about the exchange rate. "The poor little ones," Freddy says in the cab. "They are so clueless and lost." He explains that Rebecca's pattern seems to be to attach herself to someone else and just watch everything that person does, rather than doing her own work. "Poor [El Hornio] is not assertive enough to do it on his own," Freddy muses.

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Amazing Race

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