Amazing Race

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In the Crap

Gary and Mallory arrive, and Gary says they want to beat Kent and Vyxsin. I bet they do. Mallory says, "Cow manure. Seems like that's my Amazing Race theme." She interviews, "What is the deal with cow manure?" In fact, "this is the exact outfit that I wore standing in the pile of cow manure in Russia." Except then she also had a babushka dress and headscarf on, as we see in a flashback. She promises to throw away the outfit, "Because I know the next time I wear this, cow manure will be involved." It's not that great an outfit anyway.

The two lead teams are in a tuk-tuk race, and there's the fort, and there's Phil, standing next to a good-looking young Indian couple. Then it's a footrace, which of course the Globetrotters win. The male greeter welcomes them to Varanasi, India, and the female one daubs their foreheads with dye and flower petals from a condiment tray she's holding. Phil tells them to be proud of themselves; they're team number one. "Worst to first!" Big Easy celebrates as he and Flight Time hug. Phil tells them they've won a trip to the Big Island of Hawaii. Flight Time says that coming in first "makes you forget about all the pain that you felt." Big Easy wants to turn this into a "winning streak" to the "championship." Hey, Nate, this isn't the NBA. But then neither is your job.

Zev and Justin arrive as team number two. Zev solo-interviews, "A few years ago, I don't think I would have been able to come to India and deal with this at all. This was a lot, a lot, a lot to take in today, and I am proud of myself for taking it in." Except the part that Mallory's earplugs kept out. Hey, does anybody find it odd that of all the people in the race who could have earplugs, Mallory's the one who carries them? That's like the one person with a gun wearing a bulletproof vest.

Jet and Cord jump off the boat at the hay tent, run over, each grab a bundle, and get back in the boat to head back over. Just like in Oklahoma... if the Ganges ran through there.

Ron and Christina are deciding on "Feed the Buffalo." They get on a boat and she uses a few words of a local language to either hurry their pilot along or request more salt. Meanwhile, at the poo task, the Goths almost have fifty shit-patties stuck to the wall. "I was worried about not putting on deodorant this morning, ha ha," Vyxsin says. The only thing grosser than this task itself is when Kent calls her "baby-cat." They ask for approval, and this time the woman pulls a few cakes off with her bare fingers. Remember not to shake hands with her when you're done, guys. They're fine with trying again, while Gary calls her over to check theirs. Some of his and Mallory's are the wrong size as well, so by the time she gets back to Kent and Vyxsin, the Goths are done. Back to Gary and Mallory, who put up their last one and get the double thumbs-up. The Goths heat their milk and get their Pit Stop clue in fourth place. Gary and Mallory are right behind them in fifth, happy about it as always.

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Amazing Race

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