Amazing Race

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M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
In the Crap

Jet and Cord have arrived at the clue box. Vyxsin narrates ,"We see cowboy hats bobbing over the crowd and, I think all three of us girls (Vyxsin, Christina, and Mallory) were concerned. Because the Cowboys are so efficient." Sure, once they get out of the airport. Flashback to the time Phil congratulated them on being the first team ever to start in last place, complete a Speed Bump, and come in first. In this sense, "efficient" clearly means "able to recover from their own crippling mistakes." They open the clue, and Cord promises, "I'll do my best." He wastes no time jogging through the streets, trying to get done quickly without missing anything. As we see him scoring "THE," he interviews that in rodeos, "You don't get paid unless you win." He quickly finds a second guy while millions of viewers count their blessings for having jobs that pay them whether they win or not.

Ron, meanwhile, is God knows where, asking people lounging on some steps, "Sadus? Sadus?" He thinks he has to go even further. Oh, Ron.

Kent and Gary find Trident Guy, and both of them get their last scraps. And then Kent runs off, leaving Gary in the dust. Kent interviews, "I didn't feel bad about bolting, because at that point, our codependency was kind of over." Whatever, dick. Being dependent on Gary isn't "codependency." He runs back to the last Sadu on his own, gets his clue, and runs back to Vyxsin. As they leave, Mallory asks, "How is my dad, Kent?" Kent lies that Gary is right behind him, but Mallory and Christina and Jet all seem to know what that really means. The Goths get in a tuk-tuk. Gary has found the last Sadu by himself, no thanks to Kent, and gets his clue. Mallory's happy to see him, and they're out of there in fifth place. Not that I'm not really looking forward to seeing them inevitably pass Kent.

Jen and Kisha are approaching the next clue box, their tuk-tuk clipping a cow in the ass with the camera on the way. They have to get out and make their way on foot up an alley. But The Globetrotters and Team Asperger's are not far behind, and in fact get up the stairs to the place before the sisters have even arrived. Zev and Justin are the first to open the clue, which asks, "Feed the Fire or Feed the Buffalo?" Just don't feed fire to the buffalo.

Cut to Phil on the banks of the river, telling us that teams will "have to navigate the Ganges and decide which type of work they'd like to perform." As always, there's an overstated verb in Phil's Detour intro, but in this case, it's "like," so I'll let it slide. For "Feed the Fire," teams will motorboat up the Ganges and then follow a path to a certain milkman's house. There, they have to make "fifty traditional fuel patties," "traditional" meaning "buffalo-shit." After they're made, they'll slap them onto a wall to dry in the sun, which should really add to that home's curb appeal, then put some dry ones into a cookstove, light it up, and put a pot of milk on it to boil for the local children. And here in the states we don't even bother to look for the word "pasteurized" on the carton most of the time. "When the fire is lit, teams will receive their next clue," Phil says. "Feed the Buffalo" is also buffalo-related, but as you can tell from the title, it deals with the other end. Teams will have to cross the Ganges, get a load of hay, then go back across to carry the hay on foot to the address on the bundles. "When they reach the correct milk farm, teams will receive the next clue." Zev and Justin opt for "Feed the Buffalo." "I'm glad we didn't have to get into those thongs," Justin adds, in reference to the wrestlers behind him. The Globetrotters make the same choice. They both head down some stairs which apparently lead right to the river bank, and get onto small motorboats to head out onto the water.

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Amazing Race




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