Amazing Race
Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | 503 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Double your "pleasure," double your zzzzz…

Out at the plantation, the Linzes arrive at the rum factory. They run inside and start looking for a marked rack of barrels. They soon locate the rack, but then they're not sure how to find the clue in any of the barrels. They make like they're going to start destroying the barrels in a sort of "oogah, can't find clue, BREAK THINGS, BREAK THINGS" kind of way, but then Tommy figures out that you find the clue by pulling out the...stopper thing. (I'm going with "stopper thing." Whatever.) The clue they discover tells them to fly back to the U.S. (sigh), to Phoenix, Arizona, where they'll pick a marked car and drive 14 miles to the Bondurant SuperKart school. The Linzes get to their cab and leave. The Paolos are just now getting to the plant, and they head in and find the marked barrels. They have a less dramatic clue-finding experience, without the apparent possibility of destruction. They read the clue and leave in second place. In my favorite Mama Paolo moment thus far, she says, "What are we going to Phoenix, Arizona for? I want to go to New Zealand!" You and me both, Mama P. You and me both. I guess she was still hoping that they were just going to take a very, very delayed trip around the world after all. But no; she is not getting New Zealand. She will be lucky if the finish line isn't at a Cedar Rapids BP station.

Wally and the Tonyas finish their painting and leave, getting the Phoenix clue and heading for the airport. Wally mentions in the car that in completing the painting, he "wasn't very fast." Okay, it's definitely a game now: DRINK! Meanwhile, Tricia Gadzookski says that she's using a thin paintbrush to outline and a fat brush to color things in. She is officially being way too precise. If Bob Ross were alive, he'd tell her that painting happy trees doesn't require that you be perfect all the time, and I'm sure oxcart patterns are the same.

Meanwhile, the Weavers complete their seriously sloppy wheels, and Mama Weaver says, "Mr. Artesian, are we okay?" Note that she calls him "Mr. Artesian" because the clue referred to him as an "artisan," and she -- who has home-schooled her children and is listed as an elementary-school teacher, remember -- doesn't know the difference between "artisan" and "artesian." I'll bet you $100 she says "nukyalur," too. If, that is, she says it at all, not that I can think of a context in which she would. When the Weavers get their clue, they're not happy to see that the SuperKart thing sounds like another racing situation. This is the point where a friend of mine commented, "God must hate the Weavers." (He was struck by lightning shortly thereafter, so make of that what you will.) The Godlewskis are not happy to see that the Weavers, who arrived substantially after they did, are leaving first. I think the pinks just made the thing too perfect, which is another thing I didn't like about this Detour -- if they don't really tell you how accurately it has to be completed, it gives an advantage to the team most willing to shortcut the task, which seems sort of backwards.

Amazing Race

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