Amazing Race
You Look Ridiculous

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | 2 USERS: A
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Pop quiz, hotshot: Carissa and Billy Gaghan were nine and 12 years old. How fast do you think they would have been yanked into the penalty box if they had even subconsciously considered throwing trash at another team? What are the odds they'll be doing that when they're 19 and 16? Just offering a little food for thought.

Over in the Linz car, Nick tells Alex that the clue says to go to the Grand Canyon, and Tommy (whom I at least did not have confused with Megan) starts salivating over the idea of a Grand Canyon Detour. "Maybe ride some don-kays," Nick comments. Man, I'll tell you, this is not easy. I had finally really and truly absorbed who these two guys were. My brain was fully committed. It's like finding out that Mirna is the short one. I'm still totally disoriented.

Wally and the Tonyas, pulled over for directions, ask someone to borrow a cell phone. Wally makes a call -- probably to the park -- and asks about getting to Lipan Point. "Should I be coming in on 64 or 89?" he asks. He pauses. "Okay...89." We cut directly to Papa Paolo telling DJ to take 40 West to 64 North. "It's got to be along that 64," he says. Dun-dun-dunnnn! Brian looks dubious. "I hope so," he says. Mm.

The pinks approach the sign that says there's a vehicle fee of $20 to get into the Grand Canyon. Up ahead, as the Weavers approach the booth where you pay that fee, Rachel suggests that they tell whomever they pay that the car behind them really wants a complete history lesson. That is a very well-thought-out plan, except for the fact that it makes no fucking sense. The girls are talking about how one of them is really going to do say this. "No," Mama Weaver says, and for a moment, it appears that she's actually going to draw a line and tell her daughters that, having already thrown trash out of a car window at other people, perhaps they've done enough dickhead things for one day and should pace themselves. But what actually happens is that the girls indignantly ask why they can't do it. The response? "I will," Mama says calmly.

The Linzes are just behind the Weavers as they stop at the booth. Mama Weaver says: "Those people behind us want to know a history -- they're going to act like they don't, so -- nice long history!" They drive off, with Rebecca tee-heeing into her hair about how tricky and awesome Mama is. It's kind of like something that would be done on Laverne and Shirley or something, except that Laverne and Shirley would have a better justification for it, and they'd sound smarter asking. Rolly and the girls laugh hysterically, sure that they have just done something really clever. As the Linzes pull up to the booth, they get a little history, all right. Specifically, the ranger offers them this: "Boy, they were talking a whole lot of smack about this vehicle behind them." Yeah. Totally fooled, he was. "Yeah, I bet they were," Nick says. Nick's only response? "Now we have a reason to Yield 'em." Come on. Yield strategically, Nick. (But know that if you don't Yield strategically, I'll be pretty amused if you Yield the Weavers.) (And if you Yield the Weavers with your shirt off, that would be even more understandable. In fact, I dare say it would be more strategic, not that I'm here to tell you how to live.)

The Weavers are the first to the clue box at Lipan Point. I kind of wish the ranger lady would accidentally...never mind. Anyway, they read the clue. As Rolly pulls it out of the box, he says, "I'm in awe," in this sarcastic, fuck-the-Grand-Canyon kind of way. It's very much like they were about the volcano. They've clearly been taught that nothing is important if it isn't yours, and that's supremely sad. The clue sends them 137 miles to Page, Arizona and the Glen Canyon Dam. There, they'll choose a guide to take them to the top of the dam to get their next clue. The Weavers leave, just as the Linzes pull in. Megan, because she does not suck, takes a moment to be like, "Dudes. Grand Canyon." They read the clue and go, and are followed closely by the Godlewskis. The pinks actually consciously stop and look and have a "holy cow" moment before getting back in the car. Seriously, y'all. It's the Grand Canyon. I know you're in a hurry, but at least look over your shoulder. The pinks leave with their clue.

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Amazing Race

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