Amazing Race
You Need To Watch Your Jokes, Guy

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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The Big Mozambique

Uchenna and Joyce have found the coal-shoveling market, so they're ready to get down to business. Joe, meanwhile, shows off some serious, serious Tokyo Stompers as he tells Bill that they've got six bags filled. These guys have always been in shape, but I'll tell you, this task seems to be bringing out the Mr. America in Joe, particularly. He may have spent about 30 percent of his time since the last race lifting weights. On the down side, everyone involved in the coal task is finding it very, very dirty. They're undoubtedly ruining a whole set of custom-made Team Guido-wear.

Charla and Mirna pull up at the pit stop. Hey, they're team number one. Hey, they won a trip. Hey, I'd like to be happy for them. Hey, I'm totally not. I mean, this entire leg was about picking the right Detour, and had they even been capable of shoveling coal, they probably wouldn't have won. Being incapable of doing the task that took longer was basically an advantage here, which they took advantage of. I get that the teams could/should have figured out that the amount of money required was tiny and braved the nail task, but I don't think I've ever seen a Detour before where there was literally no conceivable way that any team, no matter what its combination of strengths, could possibly have taken longer to do one of the tasks than the other one. I can't imagine a team that would have struggled with the nail-painting, considering the incredibly tiny amount of money they were required to earn. I mean, ten bags of coal? And you have to sew them? And you have to deliver one of them to a mystery address? What I like about Detours is that teams are supposed to play to their strengths, not that they're supposed to gamble on which is inherently constructed to be much, much faster. Particularly close to the pit stop, it really bugs me.

Anyway, Mirna and Charla fall down on the mat and hug each other, which would be great if we didn't know that Mirna always blames Charla, along with the world's cruelty, when things go wrong. I don't really care that they're getting a vacation and a massage on the beach, you know? Mirna will drag Charla all around the resort the entire time telling her to get her massage faster anyway. ("Come on, Charla! Come on, Charla!") Phil points out that this is the first time the cousins have ever come in first on their entire history of racing. Not a very distinguished record, but Mirna is thinking this means she is awesome. So... no surprise there, really. Mirna snots in an interview that just because you're "short" or "skinnier" doesn't mean you're not good. (Not that she is calling anyone "short.") She talks about how it's about time people stopped disrespecting her and Charla just because they're short or thin. I think it's possible that at least some of the disrespect is connected instead to their tendency to spend three-quarters of every leg in last place before barely not being eliminated, but I could be wrong.

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Amazing Race

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