Amazing Race
You Need To Watch Your Jokes, Guy

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The Big Mozambique

2:38 AM. Uchenna and Joyce. Uchenna interviews that their "intuition" is their best guide at this point. In fact, he says that if you don't trust your intuition, you're telling God and the universe that you don't trust them. Which is why only atheists use maps and read the directions on the microwave. Seriously, he's one of those people I wish hadn't won, if only because his victory seems to have validated a lot of thoroughly wacky ideas he has about how you go about winning a game like this. Trust in the universe! Be a good person! It crowds out the actual ways you win, like, "Have a cabbie who knows where stuff is." I realize it's not as dramatic, but still.

2:41 AM. Mirna and Charla. In an interview, Mirna talks about herself with tremendous awe. Seriously. She just goes on and on about how one way or another, she and Charla always manage to just barely not come in last, and doesn't that make them truly great? "It doesn't matter how much pain we're in, or the fact that she's out of breath and can't run anymore," Mirna says. Nice. I love the taste of blame. Charla is so out of breath! Charla can't run anymore! You'll remember, Mirna explained last week how Charla is a total albatross, so this is no surprise. As they run to the taxi, Mirna says, "We're going to be an icicle before this day is over!" And Charla says, "We'll just be a popsicle. Someone will suck us."

I'm just going to stand back for a minute and let you enjoy that. I could only ruin it for you.

In the car, Charla and Mirna try to figure out what an "avalanche beacon" is, and they determine that at least they know at an avalanche is. There you go -- building blocks, ladies! Building blocks of knowledge!

At the base of the mountain, Danny and Oswald learn that the place doesn't open until 8:00 AM, so their lead is gone. Eric and Pink arrive, and the two teams decide to head back to the hotel. But the next morning, it turns out that Guido slept there, so they're now at the front of the line. Teri and Ian arrive, and Teri admires the Guidos' hats with their team inscription. Ian wants to know if their underwear is labeled (like camp!), and Bill says, "You don't want to see our underwear." Spoilsports! I say we have a fashion show. Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show with teams! Ian says that he and Teri are sporting the paper underpants again, and Joe happily points out that he and Bill have thongs. Ha! Oh, I'll bet they do. Joe comments that thongs sometimes give you wedgies. Which I have to admit I do not understand, because... thongs kind of make wedgies beside the point, you know? The thong is a basically wedgie-allowing garment. Give in, Joe! Embrace your inner... ew, never mind. Anyway, other teams arrive and line up behind the two that have arrived early. Eric and Pink take the opportunity to talk about how annoying they find Guido, which... wow. When a guy with nipple rings and a girl who spent a whole season in pink feel entitled to call someone else annoying, that's pushing the old karma button pretty hard. In an effort to explain the animosity, we flash back to the whole sequence earlier where Bill stood in front of the car, but I just don't care that much, because... come on.

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Amazing Race

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