Amazing Race
You Need To Watch Your Jokes, Guy

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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The Big Mozambique

Eric (duh), Charla, Ian, Dustin, Oswald, Uchenna, and Joe take the Roadblock. Joe learns that his rat is named Nelson. I secretly suspect, given the line of work these rats are in, that his rat is actually named something more like Nelson XIV, but it's not like you tell that to the tourists. Uchenna, once he gets started guiding the rat along the rope, refers to the entire process as "quite interesting." Seriously, it's totally one of the more fascinating and nuanced things they've made people do, not to mention one of the most telling regarding local culture, rat jokes aside. Very well-chosen Roadblock. Oswald tells us that the Roadblock fell to him as a result of Danny's dislike of rats. Well... yeah. "That's just not normal," Danny interviews, regarding the supersize rats. Oswald tells his rat, "I'll set you free after... and I'll take you to a nice lab, where they'll apply makeup to you." He makes animal testing sound a lot more like a vacation than I think it actually is. Ian tells us that when he was in the military, he was scared of rats. Aw. He says, however, that this rat was "friendly." See, it's like the whole show is about breaking down stereotypes. Stereotypes like "I don't like rats." Ian learns that his rat is named Tupac. Probably the revolutionary, not the musician (thanks, EEFPs!).

Mirna tells Charla that her rat is "just like a cat." I don't know what that even means. I think many cats, as well as many rats, would beg to differ, because that flatters no one. Dustin says her rat is entirely focused on eating. Heh. When did I start liking them? I do not know. Joe's rat starts to scratch the dirt, so he tells his guy to dig there. Clue! The clue tells them to take their cars and drivers (there may be a driver's license issue, I'm thinking, that's causing them to be chauffeured everywhere) back into Maputo about 50 miles and look for Praca Dos Trabalhadores. It's a building designed by Eiffel (I'm assuming you know some of his other work) where they'll find another clue. Bill and Joe take off. Joe says in the car that maybe they can retire to Mozambique as rat trainers. They agree that the rats were cute, and that Guido is only slightly larger. That's actually true. Guido is small, which I know because Guido and I are like this. (Guido has been to TARcon, and also once sat next to me at dinner, and I don't care who knows it.)

Oswald has his technician dig for a mine, and Uchenna calls for a search too. Ian does the same, even throwing a "you dirty rat" at the camera. (Rat: "I AM NOT DIRTY. I work for a living. God.") These teams are taking off at about the same time. Eric starts harassing his rat, which I keep hoping will lead to an ox-style rebellion. ("My rat is broken!") Dustin gets her search going, finally. Eric does, too. Charla's rat, however, is busy having a bath, which serves her right. I hope it stops to douse itself with cologne, because if there's anything that would be better than seeing Charla handle a rat that smelled like an unkempt French whore, I certainly have no idea what it would be. I'm busy being impressed by how many different tasks Mirna and Charla manage to be bad at, and in how many situations they have already managed to do badly without being eliminated. Eric and Dustin get their clues and leave. Only Charla is left. "I wonder what the problem is," Mirna says, thinking to herself, "If it were me, because I am not Charla, who is generally incompetent, our rat would have already found the thing." "We might be here for a long time" is all she says, however. I wish she were more right.

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Amazing Race

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