Anna Nicole Show

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: A- | 1239 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Better Homes and Candies

Still in the limo, Anna asks, "Who's killing the Jews?" Hey, who isn't? Howard goes into Sesame Street mode and explains that people are "strapping bombs onto their bodies into Israel and blowing themselves up in, like, coffee shops." Anna looks like she smells something bad. "Isn't that kinda painful?" Kinda. Howard, pushing like any lawyer, says he thinks Anna "should speak out in support of Israel." Now Anna looks like Howard smells bad. Kim says it looks like Anna is "gonna stay neutral." Anna rolls her eyes side to side and says she's "just gonna shuut uup! I know nothing about nothing. Oh, yes. Oh, yes." Oh, yes. Even though this is a beautiful statement, I think my brain is broken. I mean, why can't everyone admit they know nothing, and that they're going to shut up? And everyone would just be as naahce as pah! There would nivah be any wa-ruh! Then Ah could bah the wo-ruld a Coke. Help me, please.

Anna poses on the red carpet for tons of photographers. They all scream her name, and she poses prettily. She says that Guess? was her first campaign and she loved it, and she "misses it." The party is kind of a fetish party; there are body-painted nearly nude girls, and lots of bondage gear and riding crops on the runway. Anna admits that she "couldn't wear those clothes." Not with that attitude! Anna signs autographs for many men. Howard asks if she wants to go to a restaurant. She says she wants to "have an orgy. [She hasn't] had sex in two years!" Kim rolls her eyes and sighs audibly. What?

Once they get back to the hotel room, Sugar Pie runs around excitedly. Anna chases Sugar Pie, crawls under a coffee table, and gets stuck. Her giant bum causes her to be trapped. I never thought I'd write that sentence.

Kim gets Daniel on the phone. Anna grabs it. "Hey, punker-poo. Punkin! Whatcha doo-in'? Do you love me? Do you miss me? More than all the raindrops in the world and all the fishes in the sea?" Daniel, sixteen, says "nothing" and "uh-huh." Anna says she loves him too "that much, also." She asks if he had anything to eat. Yeah, pizza. What? Pizza? "Huh? Pig snot?" No, PIZZA. Oh! Daniel has a Nirvana poster in his room. Daniel has good taste.

Anna Nicole Show

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