Anna Nicole Show
The Eating Contest

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Empty Calories

Anna, in an interview, says she was pissed because Howard didn't trust her. Have you noticed this as a theme? Anna gets mad when people question her, and she thinks they're calling her a liar? Yeah. It's still boring, but a noticeable theme.

Now they have the sidewalk fight that was all over the commercials. Howard, such an idiot liar, says he "doesn't believe this is a big deal." Um, you MADE it a deal. YOU brought it up. Sure, Anna blew it up into gargantuan, triple-E! proportions, but hey. Anna says it is a big deal. Oh my god, we know. Howard alternately tries to placate her and accuses her of freaking out. He puts his hand on her arm and she flings it off, mock-yelling, "Don't TOUCH me!" Oh, boy. Ten minutes in, people.

Anna, Anna, glamorous Anna, Anna Nicole!

I flipped over to Jackass for a bit, so I missed a fraction of Anna's opening statement. I'm fired, right? Dang. Oh, well! She says something about how the eating contest was supposed to be for fun and it got ruined. And it "really bit [her] goat, you know?" Oh yeah. I totally do. Kim "comforts" Anna, and Howard says Anna knows more about him and he about her than anyone else, and they know how to push each other's buttons. Oh, great.

Kim says that because Howard was "such an asshole," she and Anna skipped out of the house to the tattoo parlor to get some stuff done. Let me just say that I love tattoo people, because they are artists, and because they have to keep straight faces when people ask to get the stupidest shit inked on them. I have a few tattooist friends, and some of them won't do racist tattoos, or names unless it's the person's kid's names. One of them even says, "If you don't have any bad tattoos, you ain't shit." Well, Anna and Kim have some bad tattoos. Anna has a honkin' ankle piece with some religious stuff, her own likeness, and some noodle-y, lotus-y flowers. Today, she's getting more flowers. Wow, a tattoo in real time. Bo-ring! She says, "It hurts so bad." Shout-out?

Howard, who serves as a houseboy more than he serves as a lawyer, lets in Bobby Trendy. Methinks Bobby doesn't really care for Howard, which makes me like him a little. Then he starts going on about all the "luxurious" bedding and things that he brought that is "so important" to Anna and how he wants to "make her happy," and I become grossed out again. He's such a cliché, with very little style and too much lip gloss. The Chanel sunglasses are so spring 2002; couldn't he be more forward-looking? Oh, right. He's Bobby Trendy, not Bobby Prescient. Howard busts Bobby's shaved nuts a little bit about the slow unfolding of this decorating project, and how is he going to carry all this stuff, "on [his] back?" Bobby says, "Nooo!" Bobby, you see, has Staff.

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Anna Nicole Show




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