Bobby says that since Anna's new home is completely empty, it's "a great canvas for [him] to work with." Yeah, a real tabula rasa. A blank slate. An empty page. He walks to a wall and asks if Anna likes leopard. Well, she loves panthers, and leopards are close enough. They're both endangered, and sold in bastardized forms in stores from Hot Topic to "off the truck" to the tacky, right? He suggests an eight- or ten-foot leopard couch on wheels, so that she can wheel it around. And "maybe a table with a mirror on it, so [Anna] can look at [her]self, and the view." Oh, my brain. Hey, what other use could a mirrored table have?
They move into the kitchen, where Howard calls attention to Anna's painting of Larry King. She's going on the show. It's pretty bad, but do I even have to say that? Bobby says he thinks "sumptuous and luxurious fabrics" are the way to go. Wow, don't even get more specific! I'm sold! I mean, eight-foot leopard chair, mirrored table, and "sumptuous and luxurious fabrics"! Shit, that's classy.
Okay, so as Bobby shows Anna some bedroom sets, Howard asks Anna to "let Sugar Pie fuck the bear." Anna tosses a white stuffed bear on the floor, and Sugar Pie. Goes. OFF. Humping. Forever humping. All the time humping. Anna VOs that "one time Sugar Pie saw [her] fucking this guy, and ever since then started doing it. And she's pretty good at it." Sugar Pie humps the bear again. Some more.
Anna stands in her sweatpants and fiddles with the waistband as Bobby invites her to come down to his store where she can look at things and "touch them" and "feel them." Anna says, "Ooh, gettin' me hot." Bobby and Anna have to be on the same substance. They HAVE to be.
They arrive at the store. Bobby takes Anna's hand and hauls her out of the car. She says, "Little heavy for you?" I think you're a little woman for him.
Anna slowly massages a red bedspread as Bobby natters on that that particular bed is "one of a kind, for the customer that orders it." Plus, it's "sumptuous and luxurious." Oh my god. Anna rubs the bed like she's trying to make it groan. Bobby suggests that some "soft, flickering chandeliers on the side of the bed would really set the tone." Oh, wow. What a sentence! Literacy is clearly not taught at design school. Oh, Christ -- there's the chair. It's huge! Look at all that extra chair! This "sumptuous and luxurious fabric" is "silk leopard." Feel it, Anna. Bobby asks, "How luxurious is that feeling?" Was I bad? Did I do something wrong? Okay, this is what Bobby has to say about Anna's taste: "The fabric she knew. She liked leopard, she looves gold and sparkles. We're gonna use a lot of sumptuous and luxurious fabrics, flickering chandeliers in the background because she likes it to be evening, daytime and nighttime, and very warm. We're just going to have luxury, luxury, luxury, all the way from the front door all the way down to the garage." Anna closes her eyes on the couch for a moment. The scary thing is that this furniture existed before Anna, meaning that Tori or Demi or Britney or Courteney or someone like that ALREADY HAS one of those big, ugly, hulking, honking monstrosities Bobby calls a chair. It's like Trading Spaces, but...but nothing, this is just like that show. No, it's really just like Trading Spaces, but without the trading. And it's a total nightmare. And I'm scared, and I want a taste of whatever Anna and Bobby are on.