Anna Nicole Show
The Introduction Of Bobby Trendy

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Howard's End

Anna and Kim are driving, and get in a fight over a game of Punchbuggy. Kim says the new ones count the same. Anna says they do not. "Shut up, before you piss me off more." Wow, what a fun game. Anna then socks Kim twice. They go a few rounds of slut/whore, pussy-eater/dick-licker, cunt/bitch, et cetera. Kim looks at her keeper and says, "Oh, woman, you're really mad." Anna says she is. Anna thinks Kim was calling her a fucking liar. Wow, is it the retainer that makes her think that? Kim says she was not. Anna turns to the camera and asks angrily, "Wasn't she calling me a fucking liar?" No. We get an exterior shot of the car, which has blacked-out windows. Whah?

Anna, in a purple short-sleeved top and the same ice-blue eye shadow, says, "Even though I haven't had sex in two years doesn't mean I don't like to feel sexy." We believe you. Except for the first part.

Anna and Kim roll up to Trashy Lingerie for some shopping therapy. Ooh, I love Trashy Lingerie; it's fun without being too tacky. Anna says to the shop girl that she loves bustiers, "everything old-fashioned," and "bloomers" with the "ruffle-butt." Anna tries on a Little Bo Peep outfit and gets pouty. How great that Trashy Lingerie has stuff that fits a plus-size model. Hooray! Anna says she misses the trying-on part of modeling. I bet she misses the "money" part, too. More leopard and Tarzan-styled yells follow. For those playing the drinking game, she touches her boobs and calls them "Bob" and "Stan." Drink!

Anna says she likes to "play a bouncy game" with Kim. She drops a quarter down her shirt, and rides Kim like a pony. She humps her assistant. Drink! Kim looks rapturous as she stares alternately between Anna's face and Anna's boobs. Kim hums the "William Tell Overture" and jocularly bounces Anna along. When she stops, Anna slips back into petulant mode and whines that she wants "another ride." Um. They leave the store. Hey, where are all the shopping bags? Was this a fake shopping trip? On the fakest reality show of all time? Could it be?

They go home to watch Anna on Larry King Live, or something like that. Howard, Kim, and Daniel all watch. Larry King has got to be the toughest interviewer -- not because he asks tough questions, but because he barks them out one after another, in an order that makes no sense. He changes gears really quickly, which, I'm guessing, may not be a good fit with Anna's slow-paced "style." He asks her if she was a model before she was in Playboy. She asks, "Mmm, what?" Oh, boy. She reveals that she was stripping, or "in a gentleman's bar," when she met J. Howard! Wow, what a shock. The next day, they "went to a lunch," and she hasn't stripped since. For some reason, the camera zooms up tight on Daniel's face during this segment. Maybe because it's awkward for a kid to hear that his mom was a stripper? And, you know, because E! is cruel? Larry says that J. Howard was "after" Anna for two years before she agreed to marry him. Why did she marry him? Anna says she "promised" to marry him after she "made something of [her]self," and that she "wanted to have children." Well, she already had one. And did no one explain to her that you don't have to be married to do that? Wow, that's blonde. Anna describes her relationship with J. Howard: "No one has ever loved me, or respected me, or didn't care about what people said about me, or done things for me and my son like that before." That is some serious shit right there. Although, substitute "money" for "love" and the statement would be just as true.

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Anna Nicole Show

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