Apprentice: Martha
Apprentice: Martha

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B- | 501 USERS: C+
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Paging Bobbie Spencer

Hateful Jim blibbles in his confessional that he's got strategies up the ying-yang. In the kitchen he tells Dawna, "Marcela could become the next Martha Stewart. I GUESS?" and pulls a red-bottomed monkey face to exaggerate his incredulity. I shouldn't judge him, really, because I pull the same face when I say that Hateful Jim could become the next Martha Stewart. Dawna makes noncommittal noises around her mouthful of salad but finally says, "See, we're playing this so differently. You're doing the strategy -- you want the weakest players to stay, the strongest ones to go home --" "Whatever," Hateful Jim interrupts. No, not "whatever," "exactly." You've been cranking the same tune since the first episode. You know it, we know it, and that thing on your chin pretending to be the world's smallest soul patch-cum-zit knows it. Dawna says she'd rather go up against the best, because if she wins, she would then feel that it was actually a good win. I think Dawna needs to write her own treatise on the art of war. I'm serious -- all this virtue and fair-fighting nonsense? This is a reality show, not Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Although, if it were, Hateful Jim would totally be Lady Elaine Fairchild and live in a weird revolving museum that happens to be next to a platypus mound. And a rocking chair factory run by a chipmunk. Does anyone else think Mr. Rogers smoked crack?

Apprentice: Martha

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