In a confessional, Dawna says, "I think Jim pretends to be very confident, but I think he's very insecure." Insightful. "Anyway, it was just food for thought," Hateful Jim says. Because of how screwed up the captions on this show get, I have no way of proving this, but I swear he said "fruit for thought," and it's making me giggle, because now I'm having these visions of Hateful Jim sitting down -- pen to mouth in faux deep thought -- in order to brainstorm how to put his own, unique spin on well-known phrases while seriously believing that they will "catch on."
As Hateful Jim crouches down to do something in the oven in the background, we get this weird shot of a half-drunk Corona (with lime, I might add) sitting on the counter in the foreground. Is this another one of Martha's commercials? Because she's going to have to get up real early in the morning if she wants to beat out all those cool Corona commercials. My favorite is the Halloween one where the lime gets murdered with Psycho music playing and is then carved into a tiny green jack o' lantern. And who is drinking beer in the morning? I mean, I am, but they've all got work to do.
Ryan and Marcela return, and the loft people scream. Bethenny -- not sure if I have the heart to call her "Banana Bitch" anymore -- shoots out of her chair and tackles Marcela. That got a big "Awww!" out of me until Bethenny LITERALLY jumps on Marcela, wraps her legs around Marcela's tiny Latina waist, and drags Marcela down to the floor. Awwwwwouch! Okay, just because Marcela has a tiny Latina waist doesn't mean they need to be playing celebratory salsa music at this exact moment! Ryan and Hateful Jim embrace. Bethenny looks around wildly and realizes, "Amanda's gone?" Bethenny rolls on the floor and kicks her legs in sheer happiness. Or sheer drunkenness. Marcela is pleased to be given another shot. "You gotta lotta strength," Hateful Jim Dr. Phils, "and I think Martha sees that too, and I think that's good. Good for you, Marcela. Way to defend yourself. Good for you. God bless." Hateful Jim confesses, "Jim is a mastermind of strategy. Jim is a master...of this game." Jim is a master...bator. Jim talks about himself in the third person. Jim is crazy. Keckler is drunk. Leslie answers the Marthaphone and is told that they all "get" to go out to Turkey Hill, where not only will they "get" to see her gardens, but they will also learn about their next task.
Flower porn. Ooh, poppies! Wait, no, I have to read into that. Okay, so either Martha is the Wicked Witch of the West, or we all need to be on some serious opiates if we're still watching this show. Martha brags about her garden to two bored-looking suits. She tells them that her garden is modeled after Monet's garden in Giverny. Although she pronounces it all correctly and Frenchily, I get majorly bugged by how Martha pronounces things. When talking to Bob Mackie on Martha she drooled over some "tur-kwahz" detailing on one of his gowns. Who says that? Even the little man over at Merriam-Webster says "tur-koize" in all four demo things. And let's not forget how much she loves "Em and Ems." Shut up, Martha.