Although I was inspired to make something pink and green this week, I just don't feel that it's completely fair to cook up nasty Kocktails every week just because the ousted contestants are sickening. Therefore, this Keckler's Weekly Kocktail will be weather-themed. It's a Kocktail that most New Englanders might recognize and probably already love -- I know it's one of my favorites.

Dark and Stormy
2 oz Black Gosling rum
6 oz ginger beer (the spiciest ginger beer you can find, we like Goya brand)
1 lime quarter

The Shake:
Pour the rum into the bottom of a highball or Collins glass. Add the ginger beer and squeeze in the lime. If you want to layer it, pour the ginger beer in first, then carefully add the rum. Be careful, though, because this way, the rum will all be sitting on top, but it does look cool -- like a dark and stormy New England horizon. Make sure you stick your glasses in the freezer before pouring the Kocktail to get them as frosted as Shawn's lips.

Last week, Hateful Jim was hateful. This week they try to make him human by giving him a baby, but I still find him hateful and now I feel sorry for his spawn.

At the loft, Internet David tells Marcela and Bethenny he's afraid that Hateful Jim and Dawn will both come back "unless something drastic happens." He tells them they all need to pull together as a team because their losses are embarrassing. Internet David confesses that Dawn is the center of the conflict, after which Marcela confesses that for them to function as a team, Dawn needs to go home, which is utter bullshit. This all started because she wanted a quiet place to write the children's book -- something a few of them even supported! -- and then she stood up to that asshole Chuck and THEN she stood up to Hateful Jim. Ever since then, Hateful Jim has made her the center of conflict because he wants her gone. I don't understand why Matchstick is so blinded by the fact that if Hateful Jim is allowed to sell Dawn down the river in a mighty oak raft with nothing but a scythe as a paddle, he's just going to turn on one of them next. I mean, he's stated pretty clearly to the rest of Matchstick that it's his mission to get rid of anyone he sees as being an obstacle to his win.

Dawn and Hateful Jim return to the loft as everyone else is sitting around the table eating dinner. Unlike last week, all is quiet. Including Hateful Jim and his hateful metaphors, thankfully. Weather Girl Shawn exchanges a glare with Internet David as she angrily chomps her food in a manner most calculated to dislocate her jaw. "I wanna throw up," Bethenny the Banana Bitch says. Well, honey, after seeing your freakishly wide face violently masticate your food, I feel exactly the same way. Dawn realizes that everyone on her team has it "out for [her]" and that on the next task, she's just going to shut up and speak when spoken to.

Hateful Jim attempts to make us forget how hateful he is by calling his pregnant wife and sweet-talking her. The baby voice he uses gives me major skeeves. Hateful Jim's wife is due any minute, and he won't be there for the birth, but it's okay, he says, because his wife wants him to be on the show. Can't say that I blame her -- if I was giving birth to Hateful Jim's spawn, I wouldn't want him anywhere near me either.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13Next