For obvious reasons, this week, I had to come up with a cocktail dedicated to Hateful Jim. I wanted it to be preternaturally pink and frothy, sickening, slightly insane (I mean, egg whites? In a drink? Ew!), and 100\% guaranteed to make you fully ill. Take this Keckler's Weekly Kocktail as you would take medicine, to make yourself better. Think of it as your (Hateful) Jim and Tonic.
2 oz gin
1 tbsp heavy cream
1 tsp Grenadine
1 egg white
2 tsp fresh lemon juice
Combine all ingredients together with ice, and shake. Pour into overblown cocktail glasses and drink. Stay within sprinting distance of the bathroom in case the drink or Hateful Jim makes you gag.
So, I'm watching the show with Head Cheese and McCheese (who, by the way, brought her impressive knitting), and when we see the horse cantering toward Martha in the opening, Head Cheese bursts out with, "What -- did she, like, do her horse?" It was going to be that kind of night.
I know they always keep all the contestants in the credit sequence even if they've since been weeded out of Martha's window box, but I would just love it if they smacked a giant postage stamp over the face of each letter-receiving contestant.
Hateful Jim and Dawn return to the loft to squeals and "oh, my god"s." Dawn quietly walks in, but Hateful Jim...well, Hateful Jim must follow her with a loud "HIT IT!" The guys actually seem happy to see Hateful Jim, which completely lessens my respect for them. As Howie and that other guy, who isn't Internet David, hug Hateful Jim, Hateful Jim bellows, "Stop kissin' me -- last night was ENOUGH!" In the Hateful Jim confessional, Hateful Jim rasps -- he seems to have lost his voice, which I take to mean that either his voice hates him as much as we do, or that God also wants him to shut the hell up -- that he walked into the loft with the most obnoxious bravado he could muster and "just let loose on everyone!" Back at the loft, Hateful Jim takes the stage and decides he's going to tell them exactly what went down in the conference room. "You know what I said? I'm like, 'You know, Martha -- everything that you found repugnant and unacceptable for children in this book was a tyrannical, undebatable executive decision made by Jeff.'" Nice way to embroider the truth, ass. I hope you stick yourself on the needle and get tetanus. And Hep C. And rabies.
Weather Girl Shawn's jaw drops dramatically, but Hateful Jim has only just started to warm up his Cup of Insanity.