"I have a message to Matchstick, and I have a message to Primarius, do not come after me in the conference room," Hateful Jim says in his confessional. As Marcela covers an incredulous smile with her hand, Hateful Jim announces, "What I did was I took the scythe, and the mighty oak stood before me! And I picked the scythe up and I CUT it at the ankles and it fell like a great timber!" Okay, first of all, he made that little speech accompanied by scythe-swinging and tree-falling motions, which is hateful enough, but second of all, a scythe? To cut an oak? Scythes cut easy things like wheat and people's Hateful heads. Axes? That's what you use on trees. And also people's Hateful heads. We cut to Carrie and hear this scary voice squeal, "Layayaya-taaaaaaaar biiiiooootch!" And now we cut to Hateful Jim bending back and wiggling one of his hands in a "hang loose" gesture. What a fucking freak. No one really knows how to react. A few of them confess that they think Hateful Jim is completely unpredictable and unstable. As Marcela continues to cover her mouth -- this time it looks like she's trying to hold her dinner down -- Hateful Jim holds up a bottle of water and yells, "The king is dead! Long live the king!" I can't even follow his metaphors anymore. Pied Pipers, oaks, scythes, kings...it's all a tale told by the Insane Village Idiot, full of noise and gibberish, signifying shit. Hateful Jim blathers that he just sent a man home all by himself. Uh, I think the fact that the story that Jeff wrote sucked, that the team lost the task, and that Jeff didn't listen to Martha's Good Thing of the week all might have contributed a little to that. But go ahead, Hateful Jim, you believe you did it all by yourself and maybe one of these days you'll send yourself right into a straitjacket. All by yourself. "I'm the architect of this," Hateful Jim boasts. Dawn calls him on his shit and tells him he's not the architect at all. "I see, and if I had told the truth, maybe someone else would have gone home instead of Jeff," Hateful Jim "threatens." "Oooooh," Dawn says, sarcastically, "buh-buh-buh-BUM!" Hee, I sort of love her now. Hateful Jim continues to rasp his stupid bravado in his stupid confessional how he's the most cunning person there. And that gets you where, exactly? Martha doesn't want cunning, she wants talent. She's not going to hire you for your cunning, even if you were subtle about it, which you totally are not. Hateful Jim tells Bethenny that all he wants to do is succeed in business, and that they're friends, so why doesn't she get his back. And then without waiting for an answer, he makes this weird Legolas-getting-off-his-horse face and oozes out of the shot. I'm sorry, I don't know a better way to explain the look. It's just that there's this scene in LOTR where they're all gathering at Rivendale for the first time and Legolas jumps off his horse and does this Valentino-esque mug as he looks up into the trees or something. It's hysterical. We rewind that scene all the time. However, I refuse to rewind Hateful Jim.
Episode Report CardKeckler: B- | 427 USERS: C+
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