Apprentice: Martha
Every Dog Has His Day

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Who Let The Jim Out?

Sarah and Carrie bitch about Hateful Jim. Well, Sarah bitches, and Carrie rolls over and asks to be kicked some more by Hateful. Howie just sits there and cracks his knuckles. Use those knuckles, babe. UUUUUUUUSE those knuckles! Hateful Jim returns. He calmly holds up one hand in a "V" for either "victory" or "peace." I'm sure either of his personalities would argue vehemently for which one was actually meant there. Carrie blathers in a confessional that Hateful Jim got "Beat. Up," in the conference room and that Martha needs him to bring it if she's ever going to seriously consider hiring him. Okay, can we please call it like it is? Hateful Jim is not a serious potential hire for this show. Hateful Jim could not enter the Paint Chip Foyer and walk into an office and sit down at his fabric-swatched computer and do Martha's bidding. Hateful Jim is the Court Jester. He is a full on Danny Kaye, Chalice-from-the-Palace-drinking, diamond-patterned-suit-wearing, banjo-playing, "Giacamo-my-name-is"-saying blowhard. Except for one teeny tiny thing: I adore Danny Kaye, and I HAAAAAAAATE Hateful Jim. Hateful Jim, however, is in the corner, banging stuff on his head, taking pratfalls, singing silly songs, and generally making an ASS of himself for Queen Martha, King Mark Burnett, and their courtiers, the viewing public. He's there for our amusement and our abuse. Sarah welcomes Hateful back and asks if he's willing to put their recent conference room behind him. Hateful Jim says something about feeling really bad that Jennifer was sent home. "I told her not to take me in there," he adds. Carrie asks how he could not have been taken in there. "Whatever. I warned her not to take me in there," Hateful Jim reiterates. Oooh, he WARNED her! She must've been so scared that she couldn't -- wait, she wasn't scared. Never mind. Shut up, Hateful J. "They have NO idea where I'm coming from -- they're not even READY for me," Hateful Jim says in his Hateful Jim Confessional. Well, since I know that you are coming from HELL, I am good and READY for you, you insane corporate buttmunch! Carrie wants to know if he is ready to be a part of their team and to win. Hateful Jim says he's always been that way. Carrie's all, "Awesome," and Sarah's all, "Asshole!" and they leave.

The loft's buzzer starts buzzing. Incessantly. Repeatedly. Continuously. Okay, I won't hold you in suspense -- it's Martha, and obviously she can't wait five FREAKING seconds for someone to answer the door because she KEEPS RINGING THE DAMN BUZZER! Hi, lady? PATIENCE? Well, some would say that it's a VIRTUE! Didn't that get tattooed on your Aldersoned ass? Because I'll knit it on -- I'll knit it on like a poncho! Martha's buzzing, Martha's buzzing, and I wish I were too. She enters and says she just wanted to see how they were living up there in her KMarted loft. She asks what they did all day. "I took a nap," David says. A nap? A NAP? You are so fired! Ooops -- spoiler! Marcela beeswaxes rhapsodic over being so near her idol. "Your rosemary's dying," Martha says flatly in the loft. Marcela confesses how surreal it was to interact with her. "Who has trash detail?" Martha asks in the loft. Howie does, and he's just about to tie Hateful Jim in a knot and check for leaks before he drags him to the curb. Martha wants to see their bedrooms for some prurient reason. Howie runs ahead of her to quickly make his messy bed. Hee. Martha asks how it is being in such close proximity with other people: "Nothing you do is private any more. It's like being at You Know Where -- Alderson." She stumbles upon Hateful Jim and asks him if he's ready to be the next project manager. "Oh, absolutely," Hateful smarms. "There might be mutiny on the part of your team," Martha hints. "Never -- we'll move on," Sarari Fleischer interjects. Hateful Jim is now PM for Primarius. Goody. "I will be Babe Ruth right now -- I'll point to the walls. I'll hit that homer!" Hateful Jim announces. Dude, the only Homer you're fit to hit eats donuts and beer for breakfast. Martha leaves the (im)Clones to their dying herbs and overflowing trash can.

Hateful Jim Metaphor Break: Pied Pipers, oaks, scythes, kings, Everest, selling down the river, virus, roadblock, cancer, link, vizier, Babe Ruth.

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Apprentice: Martha

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