Apprentice: Martha
Every Dog Has His Day

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Keckler: B- | Grade It Now!
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Who Let The Jim Out?

While clipping her bush, Martha calls the loft the next morning and tells them to meet her at her Connecticut studios.

The (im)Clones drive. "MERRITT PARKWAY!" the Evil Dr. Mathra yells, walking around the living room with his hands held high. The Evil Dr. Mathra had a summer job where he drove to New Jersey every week and now he likes to think that he's some expert on the roadways between Boston and Princeton. He acts like they're all buddies who get together for a couple of pitchers and bitch about the traffic and cell phone dead spots. We get a few seconds of Martha "bonding" with Marc Marone, her animal guy who has his own show about taking care of pets. I think his show airs only in New York, but I'll bet he's really sweet. No, I'm being serious -- any guy who care that much about animals has to be good people. Most of the (im)Clones have little to no reaction when they see Martha's dog and the birds and fish and things in the studio, but Bethenny's face positively lights up. She's obviously an animal lover, and I'm just liking her all the more for that reaction. Martha babbles some pet-owning stats and then tells them that they will be working on the Beneful Celebrity Dog Auction. And then comes on the overly-rehearsed dubbing: "Beneful is an all-natural dog foodmade with...the...finestingredients. I'm thrilled they're sponsoring THIS auctionfor DOGS." It's so very much like the time when Krusty says, "I'm happy to support this product or e-vent." Man, did I just compare Martha Stewart to Krusty the Klown? Martha tells them each team will be given four dog-owning celebrities and their task is to work with the celebrities to create a "personal experience with each of them and their dogs, which will be auctioned off." They will be raising money for a charity called Broadway Barks. I'm sure it goes to help those poor out-of-work dogs that have fallen on hard times, lost their WAG cards, and are working in restaurants since they can no longer appear in Broadway shows due to a debilitating chew-toy habit. The aim is to win the most money for the charity.

Hateful Jim shouts in a confessional -- man, if he's not trying PAINFULLY hard to lose his voice, he's trying even harder to make us lose our hearing -- that Primarius has awesome celebrities. To wit, they have: Paul Sorvino and daughter (not Mira, Amanda), Susan Lucci (who oh-so-recently appeared on Martha to help her pot a plant that was bigger than the soap opera star's entire, shrunken body), John Lithgow (LOVE!) and Joanna Gleason, and Todd Oldham (designer, designer, designer).

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Apprentice: Martha

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