Apprentice: Martha
Every Dog Has His Day

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Who Let The Jim Out?

Matchstick. Marcela is project manager, and I have this feeling that this isn't going to go well. Marcela, Amanda, and Dawna join up to talk to half of their assigned celebrities. They will be talking to Chad Pennington (WHO?), Fraaaaaaan Drescher, Bruce Vilanch and Jordan Ballard (HUH?), and Merv Griffin. The trio first goes to talk to Fraaaaaaan, where Amanda lets loose with how inspiring Fraaaaaaan's Cancer Schmancer book was when she had cancer. Of the eye. And it was a melanoma. And she can't see out of that eye. But it looks normal. And Fraaaaaaan's all nasal about the whole thing. And that's a lot to take in. So I'm moving on. Amanda and Dawna leap right in with their ideas while Marcela noticeably says very little. Their ideas are to get the winning bid person a guest spot on Fraaaaaaan's new show and/or a tour of the set. Fraaaaaaan's very amenable to both. This scene was all about Marcela seeming to do nothing and then she herself noting that Dawna and Amanda just took over the meeting.

Martha's Good Thing O' The Week: "How Do You Integrate Pets Into Your Business?" I'll tell you how: I don't. No, see, My Pets Integrate Themselves Into My Business. In fact, Poppadum is integrating right now by laying her tail over the spacebar so that every time I need to hit it -- which is, you know, a lot -- I have to either move it aside or just smack my thumb on it in order to hit the spacebar. One of those choices gets my fingers bitten and I'm not even sure which. Then we've got Hunca Munca, who integrates himself into my business by tearing and eating my recap notes before I've even finished with them. I have to hide my notepads under pillows or on high ledges if I want to avoid dealing with damp paper and teeth marks. ["Hobey registered a comment on the 90210 recap by throwing up on my notes. Disgusting, but pithy." -- Sars]

While Marcela, Dawna, and Amanda tackle Fraaaaaaan, the other Matches goes to the Jets Stadium to talk to the relatively unknown and monumentally boring Chad Pennington. Ryan thinks that if he wasn't living in San Diego and Chad wasn't living on the East Coast and playing pro ball and being a sort-of star and making probably millions, then the two of them would be good friends. Ryan wonders if guests can come into the training room or locker room doing the season, but Chad negs that idea, saying that's the team's territory, their safe haven. Except when you're a calculus prof and one of your former students, who happens to a huge linebacker, specifically asks the football department to specifically invite you to be his specific guest on the sidelines of the homecoming game against ASU, because then you get to sit in on the pre-game chat, the militaristic Lord's Prayer, the halftime chat, and the postgame rally, as well as be on the actual sidelines where you might meet Bill Walsh and Chris Draft who just happened to be back on campus for homecoming. And to do all that? You don't need to deal with some snooty auction, you just need to be a kick-ass calc prof who makes good students out of huge football players. Dude's going to med school next year! Ryan and Leslie propose a joint package where the winning bidder to gets to have dinner with Chad the night before a big game and then goes to the big game the next day and hangs out with Chad and his dog. Charles's Cigar was very impressed with Ryan and Leslie, but adds, "It seemed as if David wasn't quite sure what his role was. He was just standing around writing about it." Dude, he was writing lyrics for a new song he was composing: "I Ain't Gonna Work on Martha's Farm No More." Check out the second-to-last photo. He IS Early Dylan!

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Apprentice: Martha

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