Next morning at This Oldham House. Bethenny and Sarah propose that Todd Oldham redecorate a room in the winning bidder's house to be more pet-friendly, yet stylish. Yeah, I seem to remember a project like that. I think the project was called Animal House Style! Sorry. I worked on that project, and I feel very passionately and, evidently, territorial about it.
The Auction. After Bernadette Peters's introduction, Martha gets up to say her piece in her gold coat and her gold clogs. Primarius and Matchstick are sitting in separate balcony boxes next to each other. Matchstick's Chad Whoington package tanks and only goes for three thousand two hundred dollars. "They're in trouble, that's the best they've got," Hateful Jim meanders. Primarius's "Dog's Day in the Movies with Paul Sorvino" takes off in a major way and gets the team fifteen thousand dollars. Matchstick's Fraaaaaaan Drescher Experience gets them twenty-eight thousand dollars. "It's all over," Hateful Jim mutters. He just does not know how to keep his mouth shut, does he? The Primarius "Doggie Diva Day with Susan Lucci" only brings in three thousand six hundred. What say you for the "creative" editing of this scene? Matchstick's horrible Bruce Vilanch thing is next and they get nineteen hundred dollars. How so very sad. The next lot is "A Dog's Day Afternoon with John Lithgow and Joanna Gleason" for Primarius. It brings in eight thousand five hundred. The "Excessively Hot Vacation with Scorpions and Merv" rewards Matchstick with seven thousand two hundred-fifty dollars. Hateful keeps muttering how done they are. What a supportive and upbeat project manager you are! Ass. Some hurried calculations on behalf of the teams let the viewing audience know that Hateful Jim and the Primariuseseses need thirteen thousand two hundred-fifty to win. The Todd Oldham design thing is up. The bidding is drawn out and slow. "Dear Lord God, please make it happen," Hateful Jim prays in his confessional. Hateful? God doesn't listen to the devil's playthings. JUST as the lady is about to bang her Klingon-y gavel on the podium to close on thirteen thousand -- she even asks, "You sure you're all through? No tears after the gavel's gone down" -- Mark Burnett's wife, who nodded that yes, she was, in fact, all through, whips up her paddle for the fourteen thousand mark. After that, more bids fly up to seventeen thousand. "My position's secure," Hateful Jim reminds his team. He salutes himself several times while Howie turns his back on him to congratulate the rest of the team. "The victory that I had guaranteed was sealed -- I'm going NOWHERE!" Hateful Jim confesses. That may be true, but those enormous nostrils of yours are going EVERYWHERE!