Primarius goes into the conference room. Martha recaps the episode for us: their new team, their assignment, their loss, et cetera. Jennifer says she delegated Hateful Jim to do the graphics on the label because of his background as a graphic designer, and he did a terrific job. "True," Hateful smarms. Martha goes on about how she's shopped at that particular Stew Leonard's in Westport since it was built, and asks if the team saw their rule engraved in stone. Does it say, "Martha Stewart is our patron saint and in the name of all that is good and holy, don't piss her off or crowd her at the meat counter"? Because I totally saw that. "The customer is always right," the team recites in unison. "Rule number two: if the customer is wrong, refer to rule number one," Martha elaborates. Oh, please. We've come way too far as human beings to keep believing in that sort of crap. I'm sorry, but when a customer's kid is sitting in the dairy case, banging the glass milk bottles together while flinging handfuls of crackers at the floor, sometimes, the customer is WRONG! And when you give the customer a taste of Super-Aged Gouda and they proceed to spit it out right in front of you and give it back all masticated and wet, sometimes, the customer is WRONG! The whole "customer is always right" thing is what overly-moneyed women want to believe when they tell you they had a round, white cheese while in staying in an Italian villa and it tasted really good and flavorful and they don't know the name but they get mad when for the life of you you can't tell them what that exact cheese is, much less if you carry it, and they complain to your manager that you weren't helpful when actually they had horned in while you were actually helping another customer who was sitting there silently while that overly-moneyed woman and her pocket dog and her Botox shoved her red face in the middle of things and started babbling about a cheese she was probably too drunk to even remember. That's what that rule is about.
I'm clearly quite cranktankerous because in addition to being horribly sick, I've also had wicked insomnia for the past five days. And because I OD'd on it when I had mono in college, Nyquil doesn't knock me out any more, either. All it does is chill me out while managing to keep me awake and restless. Basically. there's no hope for me. PLEASE MAKE MY VINAIGRETTE!
Martha goes on that, compared to Matchstick, Primarius didn't make the connection with the customer. "Well, Jim made a connection with a customer," Charles says, stabbing his cigar in Hateful's direction. "Yeah, wasn't there a little incident?" Alexis asks. "There absolutely was an incident," Hateful Jim volunteers while rocking in his chair. Shut up, Hateful. Sarah speaks up and says that the store manager was very frustrated because a customer was insulted by the sales pitch "from the male who was screaming." "Not entirely true," Hateful Jim mutters. "Yes, it was," Sarah says calmly. "Not entirely true," Hateful Jim repeats quickly. Charles wants to know what the pitch was. "Oh, there were so many, really. It started 'Asian Vinaigrette -- have you tried it yet?' That was it and I would hand it to the people," Hateful Jim says. Jennifer looks incredulously down at the rest of her team as Hateful Jim babbles on about what else he was saying. "It cures bunions -- you can massage your wife with it," Sarah interrupts, helping him to remember his pitch. Well, it was warts, actually, which I think are far more disgusting an image than bunions. But that might be because I confused bunions with Funyons for a long time. "Excuse me -- I don't think they were asking you, they were asking me!" Hateful Jim says, pointedly looking up at the ceiling. Sarah just smiles at Martha, shrugging. Hateful Jim says as soon as he was asked to stop his particular brand of smarmy salesmanship, he stopped. What about the swearing? Because that's really what the woman was complaining about. Charles points out to Martha that no one will take a product seriously if they're told it's good for bunions or massaging their wives. Martha agrees. Yeah, dude, it makes it sound like their product is tantamount to Doc Bittle's Amazing Purple Pills. "Well, people wash their hair in beer," Hateful Jim interjects. Not exactly the same thing, is it, Hateful? Washing your hair with beer? Not gross. Saying that the beer cured Cradle Cap? Gross. Can you appreciate the difference, freakshow? Hateful Jim mutters something about throwing out a joke to see how people would react. Howie shakes his head disgustedly. Charles points out that it obviously didn't work. "Correct, so when we realized it didn't work --" Hateful Jim starts to say. "No, but what were you thinking when you were doing it?" Charles asks. Hateful Jim tries to babble something, but Charles is having none of it. "You say you were doing it to be witty -- you were half right," Charles interrupts. Hateful Jim prissily shrugs his shoulders and ROLLS HIS EYES! Oh no, see, NO! That would never -- NEVER! -- be tolerated in Trump's Boardroom. And forget Trump himself calling him on it, Caroline or George would carpaccio Hateful Jim's ass for that one. God, this show is lame, isn't it?
Next, Charles and Martha come down on Jennifer for not watching Hateful Jim and for letting him get away with his offensive antics for so long. Jennifer can't really defend herself. She says she was helping Bethenny prepare the salad. "Jim could have prepared the salad!" Martha says. "Jim could have prepared the salad," Hateful Jim repeats. Man, he's so insane. Martha thinks that Jennifer should have been on the floor selling and that she should have kept Hateful Jim off the floor, "especially since he has a history of being a little overly aggressive, overly enthusiastic, overly verbal. Dah, dah, dah." "Dah, dah, dah," Hateful Jim gleefully parrots. Can someone turn him off? By the way, I think Martha was going for "yada yada yada," but is stuck in 1998, where that VW commercial still plays incessantly. Martha says to Jennifer, "You're a DA!" Hateful Jim makes scoffing agreement noises. "You should be able to control him -- in a courtroom --" Martha insists. I don't really see what her being a district attorney has to do with anything. Whatever. Jennifer says that she thought Hateful Jim was a time bomb and she didn't know what he would do if she pulled him. I'm sorry, but Hateful is such a kiss-assy wimp that if Jennifer had showed a little spine and pulled him from the floor, Hateful Jim would have spent the rest of the task working really hard to make it up to her. Hateful Jim calls Jennifer a "timid little rabbit." Carrie agrees with this when Charles asks if she thinks Jennifer is scared. "A difficulty managed is an opportunity found," says Hateful Jim, and adds that he's sure MSLO has ten thousand Jennifers and very few Hateful Jims. "There might be a good reason for that," Martha announces. Seriously. And given how white MSLO reportedly is, I doubt she has ten thousand Jennifers. Jennifer wants to tell Martha something juicy, so she leans in and says, "Jim had made a comment that 'when Martha looks in the mirror, she sees me.' And I fail to believe that when you look in the mirror, you see a raving lunatic who --" "And now I'm a lunatic? My psychi -- my psycholo -- she's a psychologist as well as a lawyer, ladies and gentlemen!" Hateful Jim raves. Man, I think he was actually going to say something about his psychiatrist but thought better of it. Damn, because you just know his psychi/psycholo is watching this show with one eye and buying a few chateaux in Provence with the other. Jennifer was trying to get out that, when Hateful Jim returned to the loft one night, he was wild-eyed and crazed, but Hateful Jim says that Jennifer hid behind every corner to avoid work and led the team by not leading. When the rest of the team is questioned, Carrie and Bethenny vote that Jennifer wasn't effectual as a leader, Sarah says Jennifer was good at delegating, and Howie says he would send Hateful Jim home. Martha says it's clear that Jennifer and Hateful Jim are the only two of the group that should be considered for ousting. Everyone else is excused.