Hateful Jim holds up a tray of little cups of salad and dressing: "When I worked in a meat-packing industry, I used to stuff my sausage in the lower intestine." I'm sure you did, Hateful. I'm sure you did. The Stew Leonard's manager comes over and tells Jennifer they have a problem. Hateful Jim is called, so he prances over and the manager relates that a customer complained about Hateful using the f-word. "No! Not once!" Hateful Jim protests as Howie says nothing. Whatever, look at the tape, dude. The manager says that if another customer complains, they are outta there. God, how awesome would it be if they were thrown out? Martha's anger would be a pleasure to behold. Jennifer, Howie, and Hateful Jim promise that there will be no more complaints. "I was selling the humor," Hateful Jim says in his confessional, "and believe me, those bottles were going off the shelf. And if by going mass-market I have to step on a few toes? Oh, well, cry. Me. A. River." Now, would that be the same river that you wanted to sell Dawn down? And are those the same tears that are the nectar of the gods? Hateful Jim finishes, "I'm selling the product -- what are you doing?" Not offending the people who are buying the product, presumably. Back at the store, Hateful Jim babbles, "If you're marinating chicken, shrimp, pasta -- I marinate pasta all the time!" What? Who marinates pasta? You put dressing on pasta salad, yes, but you're not marinating it. Wait! I've got it! That's what's wrong with Hateful Jim -- it's not a coke habit, it's not that he's the devil's red-headed half-brother (because, let's face it, the devil is way too cool to be Jim), it's that he MARINATES HIS PASTA! It's all so clear now! Howie looks at the camera, grits his teeth, and rolls his eyes. Heh.
Matchstick. Leslie makes with the really hard sell, telling people they need three or four bottles of the dressing. Seriously? Who goes through dressing like that? I mean, that bottle of Green Goddess in my mom's fridge? Been there since 1989. Same with the Kraft Catalina. With all those preservatives, they just don't go bad. "My strategy is that I gotta sell multiple bottles," Leslie confesses. "They have the top sales person on the team, that being me!" When did she become the top sales person, exactly? On the floor, Leslie stands with a customer who is examining the bottle. "Why don't you just take two?" Leslie asks, picking up another bottle. "Naw, I'll just try one," the customer says, calmly. We get a shot of a grocery cart with three bottles of vinaigrette. That customer is also buying corn cob holders and a box of cookies. I love looking at people's grocery baskets and carts when I'm in the checkout line and trying to figure out what they're making. You know, it's like, "Okay, four bricks of cream cheese, graham crackers? Cheesecake." Or when a guy in a business suit buys seven pre-packed containers of sushi, I figure he's got his suppers covered for a week. I sometimes wonder what they make of my scallions, green apples, goat cheese, Diet Coke, and kitty litter cart. "Oh, one more -- come on!" Leslie says to some guy who is pushing his cart away. "No, I'm good," the guy mumbles. "You sure?" Leslie asks. Boy, I hate that kind of salesperson -- makes me want to give all the bottles right back. Although I'm not that ballsy. No, I'd just take the extras, get out of sight of the stand, and stash them in totally inappropriate places. Marcela looks on in disbelief as Leslie shouts, "Everyone have their second and third bottle?" Ryan wonders aloud if Leslie is actually putting the bottles in the customer's carts. "No way -- that's going to start pissing people off!" Amanda says. Dawna confesses that Leslie was definitely pushing the bottles at people and making them think they had to take it: "I was a little confused by that tactic she was using." A store worker comes by to return some bottles of dressing. Ryan asked where they came from. The worker gestures somewhere. We get a shot of a bottle of dressing strategically posing with some jarred pickles. There's another shot of a bottle resting with the onions and garlic. Classic! "You mean people didn't want buy 'em?" Ryan boggles. "I'm sorry," the worker smiles. Charles looks on. "Very bad news," Amanda tells Leslie, waving a bottle at her. "People are giving these back at the cash register like crazy!" Leslie just stands there with her mouth idiotically hanging open. She's losing IQ points as she breathes. About thirty bottles have been returned to them. Ryan confesses that they basically had to resell forty or fifty bottles.