Apprentice: Martha
Once Upon A Time

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now!
Skittles and Vittles

The children are assembled and waiting. Random House, Alexis, Charles, and his unlit cigar are waiting behind a two-way mirror. Word to Charles: you aren't George Burns. Lose the cigar. Matchstick joins the judges while Weather Girl Shawn settles herself in front of the children. In the Bragging Confessional, Shawn tells us that this is what she does for a living and that "public speaking is [her] for-TAY." Weather Girl Shawn reads in an annoying baby voice. Chuck from Matchstick interviews that the children were engaged in the story -- cut to a shot of a crabby kid with firmly crossed arms and sullen lips -- but they weren't laughing and he doesn't think that they really reached them. Weather Girl Shawn finishes, the kids wake up and sort of applaud, and Shawn leaves. The focus group lady asks the kids what they thought of the story. "It...was...good?" a kid asks. Hateful Jim high-fives himself in the hidden room. A show of hands reveals that not every child liked the story. In the Bragging Confessional, HRH PM Jeff pats himself on the back for a job well done.

Primarius arrives at their focus group. Howie arrives to sounds of applause from the kids. In the hidden room, Primarius is thrilled. "Do you know the real story of Jack and the Beanstalk?" Howie asks the kids. "No!" some of them answer. Others just have their fingers in their mouths. Howie reads. Read, Howie, read! In the Bragging Confessional, various Primariuses pat themselves on the back for a job well done. Focus group lady finds out that all the kids liked the book. PM Dawna is only quietly excited because she thinks there's still a chance that they could lose.

Random House. Chip tells Martha that both teams did a good job but that they have a clear winner. The teams come in. It's weird -- almost everyone in both groups has green somewhere on them. Anne says that Matchstick made good use of their illustrator, but the story was lacking. It appears she wasn't thrilled with the rhyme scheme that HRH PM Jeff was so proud of. What did I say? Skittles and vittles is LAME! Chip says Matchstick did not get a lot of laughs. Turning to Primarius, Chip compliments everything from the illustrations to the first-person narrative to the fact that Jack goes underwater. He even likes their endpapers. As is obvious to anyone with half a rhyme scheme, Primarius is the winner. Martha rewards them by inviting them to have dinner with her. The dinner will be cooked by her good friend, the chef at Masuri. But given that it's sushi, I hazard that the dinner won't so much be cooked as it will be raw. Martha reminds Matchstick of their appointment with the orange-oiled chopping block and that someone is going to be permanently sent home for dinner. We fade out on a shot of HRH PM Jeff tightening his royal lips.

Keckler: I predict that "someone" is going to be wearing square glasses.

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Apprentice: Martha




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