Apprentice: Martha
The Coffee Achievers

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Coffee Is For Closers

Out in the lobby, the atmosphere is (say it with me, Sars): "Un! Comfortable!" Ryan's not thrilled with the questioning of his loyalty. And that's perfectly understandable, except for the fact that he was totally disloyal. It doesn't make him a horrible person, and the one slip-up doesn't make him an unfit Apprentice, but he's made his bed, as far as I'm concerned. Marcela's with me, as she kind of rounds on him and asks if he really thinks he came into this task with the same energy as always. "Absolutely," says Ryan. And now he's just straight-up lying, because even he doesn't believe that. And then he and Amanda hit Marcela literally from all sides, as they sit on either side of her and get all staccato like they're doing Mamet or something. Amanda: "How could you say I didn't work hard and wasn't a team player?" Ryan: "Just because you couldn't organize a team doesn't mean we sabotaged you." Julia mercifully calls them back into the conference room.Before they sit down, Ryan would like to say something in his defense. Oh, cripes. He tells Marcela that she can question a lot of things about him, but never his loyalty, and he doesn't appreciate it, and he can go "point by point" and explain how he was so totally a team player. God, did someone replace my Ryan with Folgers Crystals? Because I totally noticed! That is such an Omarosa thing to do. It's grandstanding and it's disingenuous, and worst of all it's painfully obvious. Bring back the real Ryan next week, will you please? Martha is completely unfazed, telling them to sit down. Charles asks if he missed something. Which is funny, because he was there for the rest of the questioning, right? Ryan says that Marcela was the one who "shut down" on the task, not he and Amanda. Marcela disagrees, but Martha butts in with this long-ass infomercial about how awesome and diverse and awesomely diverse MSLO is, "and that's what's so exciting about it!" It's kind of cool seeing Martha so animated and turned on by what she does for a living. Charles returns to the "if it's not fun, you're in the wrong business" line, which is so stupid because it's miles away from the point. Ryan and Amanda didn't duff the task because selling coffee makers wasn't fun. They duffed the task because they felt their project manager wasn't managing them well enough and they didn't want to help her out like they did last time. In fact, you could make the argument that the only person who had any fun was Ryan when he was dangling "Big Pussy" in front of a horrified Marcela. So cram your theme, Charles. He asks Marcela if Ryan was the reason they lost, and she says he was not. Charles: "So why'd you bring him in, then?" That's a dumb question, and it's dumb when Trump asks it, too. Marcela gives the obvious answer, albeit in a roundabout way, which is that she had to bring someone, and Leslie was the only one who was even a bit accommodating to her on this task, so who else would he like her to take? Alexis calls Amanda on her statement of non-support from about five minutes ago. Martha is amazed that Amanda would be so unsupportive of Marcela's ideas, but she weirdly phrases it as Amanda being excessively "polite," by not agreeing with Marcela but going along with the plan anyway. Except the phrase Martha is looking for is "passive-aggressive," because that's what she's talking about. "Oh, well I don't agree with that course of action, but you're the boss so I'll just stack these coffee makers and we'll see who's right." Please. Then Amanda says that she's "competitive," which is dumb, because in this task, her competitiveness manifested itself as backstabbing. And then Marcela says something about "integrity," which is also dumb, because that word is totally the Godwin's Law of reality television.

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Apprentice: Martha

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