Apprentice: Martha
The Empire Strikes Back

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Return of the Jimedi

In the bedroom, Dawna tells Amanda that she's really worried about how much Howie is drinking. Apparently, he's already had a bottle of wine and two beers. "I mean, I really thought he had my back," Dawna whines. The guys scream and make so much noise in the kitchen that the show thinks we need captions to tell us that Dawna is going to be pissed if it turns out she made the wrong decision in bringing Howie back. "No, Howie's not going to embarrass himself," Amanda assures her. We cut to Howie pulling out his ears and making a monkey face before appearing to slightly pass out in his seat while a beer bottle whizzes back and forth on the table.

Bethenny and Carrie drive together and discuss the promo materials for the Circus event. Carrie says she specifically stopped by Crobar because she wanted to stalk Bethenny. Carrie makes this face that makes me think she's about to sneeze, but then I realize she's trying to actually say something. Sort of. "How -- tell me -- will you please tell me -- because I just need to know -- 'cuz I like to know how things work, and how it all went down...I'm frustrated and that whole conference room thing was weird to me because I really feel like you didn't hear what I said. But it bothered me that you said that every one of my teammates said that I was the weakest player on team." "Well, they did. So I'm sorry," Bethenny tells her. Heh. Bethenny says she wouldn't make that up because she doesn't lie. "Well, I don't lie!" Carrie says...which isn't what Bethenny was saying, so now I just think Carrie's insane. "You said I was manic in the way I work," Bethenny points out. So did the MSLO Execs, Bethenny, and in fact, I think you admitted it yourself as well. Bethenny points out that Carrie didn't work with her, so how would she know. Finally, Bethenny sums this up for us as she confessionals, "Good god, Carrie -- let it go. Just let it go." Carrie fixes her face with a rather heavy pout for such a freakishly skinny neck to support. Bethenny tries to tell Carrie that none of that matters now. "Well, yeah, it does matter to me," Carrie argues. Bethenny tells her not to take it personally. Carrie grimaces out the window and later confessionals that she's willing to give Bethenny her effort, but not her endorsement. Yeah, but just how much effort is she going to give, really? That's sort of like saying, "Well, I'll work, but I won't work hard." The next morning, Dawna tries to wake up a hungover Howie. Hey, Hungover Howie -- he could be a superhero! He'd run around in pajamas, fighting headaches and nausea with a utility belt full of aspirin, Hair of the Dogs, and greasy fried potatoes. Howie confessionals that drinking the night before the task probably wasn't a good idea. See, it's that kind of perspicacity that makes him a superhero! Howie yawns a lot in the next few scenes. At Liz Claiborne, Dawna admires an outfit they aren't actually using in the fashion show. Dawna confessionals that she was disappointed in the outfits Howie and Amanda chose, and realizes they have a lot more work ahead of them before the Liz Claiborne execs show up. Then, the Liz Claiborne execs show up. The Creative Director tells Amanda that she was expecting a call from her awhile ago, but she's heard nothing. Amanda apologizes and takes the blame, which is hers to take, really. The Creative Director says she expected to see "it" already. "Yeah, it is actually finished, right now. I was going to show it to you," Amanda says as Sarah's eyes bug out at her. Amanda leads the Creative Director somewhere, and Dawna confessionals that she was disappointed in Amanda's performance thus far. Two models galumph with Amanda out of the dressing room and Amanda presents them as "These are two that haven't been fully accessorized yet." One stomping -- seriously, where did they learn to catwalk? -- model is wearing tight rolled-up denim pedal pushers under a belted green sweater, and the other is wearing a frumptastic outfit of a long, red, off-the-shoulder sweater (also belted) and tall brown boots that basically begin where the knee-length purple plaid-like A-line skirt ends. The Creative Director stares and wonders, "Which of these two looks are you recommending to me?" Uh, I'd assume...both? Since it's a fashion show? And there's more than one outfit in a fashion show? Because otherwise it would be called a fashion skit? Seriously, why does this woman act like it's so obvious they are doing things wrong when she also doesn't appear to be helping them AT ALL? "Um..." is all Amanda can say. Creative Director asks, "What did you have in mind? Is it glamorous without being too edgy? Or too strange?" "Right..." is all Amanda can say. Dawna puts in strongly that she likes the way it looks and that she thinks it will all come to life under the "hot lights." "I have some more questions," Creative Director tells Amanda. Dawna confessionals that Creative Director had to be happy with their selections if she had any hope of winning the task. Amanda asks Creative Director if she likes the overall look. Creative Director looks at the models. The models preen and pose. The tension doesn't really build. "You may have to make some key changes," Creative Director shrugs, just as if she weren't made to say that for the cameras. Circus task: Crobar. While Bethenny wraps herself up in the fundraising details for the silent auction, she APPEARS to ignore everything else. Ryan confessionals that Bethenny was losing sight of the big picture. Hateful Jim mutters to someone, "I'm going to work on cleaning up the stuff, getting the juice boxes ready for the kids, I mean the juice boxes are mostly for the kids, I don't know where we're going to keep the juice boxes." I guess he's talking to Bethenny, who is actually on a phone call and doesn't respond. "Right -- I'll figure it out," Hateful Jim says, and walks away. Hateful Jim confessionals that so much needed to be done but none of it was being taken care of. The performers arrive, and someone needs to tell them where to chalk their hands and hang their trapezes. The guy in charge of the Big Apple Circus gets Bethenny's attention and says, "This is your event. Your people are in charge of it. And I got all my people standing around here doing absolutely nothing." Carrie confessionals that if Bethenny doesn't get her shit together it will mean no circus and no job for Bethenny. Don't be so smug, Carrie; no matter what happens, it still means no job for you. I don't know why I got so irritated with her this episode, because she didn't bug me that much in past episodes. I guess it's that she's really coming off as a grudge-holding bitch, and that's not smart. If anything, it's better for her to look as though she's "rising above it all" as the "better person" who is "taking the high road" in order to win the task for Bethenny, no matter what Bethenny did to her in the conference room. It shows potential future employers that she's a team player. If she continues on this way, she's simply showing that when things don't totally go her way, she turns into a resentful shrike. (I'm using quotes because those are all lecture points from my mother.) The Big Apple Circus guy -- the ringmaster, so to speak -- tells Bethenny all that she should be doing, "You need to take charge of it and get it going." Hateful Jim confessionals that they had less than twenty-four hours to put the event together (don't they always seem to have "less than twenty-four hours" to put things together?) and that Bethenny wasn't managing well at all. Hateful Jim goes on that he's put together a "little task of [his] own." He holds up some string tied in a noose, "to illustrate what Bethenny's been doing for herself over this task." He puts the noose around his throat and pulls: "And I'd like to show it, right now." He gags. Pull harder, Hateful Jim. PULL HARDER! However, I am glad to see that you are able to recycle your own noose. I'm just saying, people who live by metaphors shouldn't pull nooses. Ringmaster goes on to tell Bethenny more that she hasn't done: "It needs to be organized and you need to be out here in charge of this thing." Bethenny does a good imitation of a lactose-intolerant deer caught in headlights.

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Apprentice: Martha




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