Apprentice: Martha
The Finale

Episode Report Card
Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now!
Here Comes the Dawna

Bethenny prepares to take off in her chauffeured vehicle, and Hateful Jim says, "Good luck in the conference room -- it should have been my job, but God bless." Can you even say "God bless" after a backhanded, resentful sentiment like that? I think God should strike him down or turn him into salt or something. They bid Bethenny farewell, and Hateful Jim complessionals that after all their hard work and support, all the team got was a lukewarm handshake from Bethenny, "and th-th-th-th-th-that's all folks." Wow, I actually thought he was having an aneurysm there. Bethenny's really proud of herself and has a car confessional where she says (with tears in her eyes. No, really. Her nose was all stuffed with emotion as well) that she should be Martha's Apprentice because she would be Martha's greatest asset and she never gives up. Never give up! Never surrender!

Dawna's fashion show. Dawna prepares to open the doors, but first she keeps an eagle eye out for Martha. Sarah surreptitiously picks a crotch wedgie. She really does! Go back and look -- she pulls the waist of her jeans downward, but given how tight she's wearing those things, it's obvious what she's doing. Class-ay.In the Marthacar, Martha goes on about Bethenny's circus. "I just think it's a great challenge -- don't you?" Martha asks Alexis. "Yeah!" Alexis responds, and adds, "Apparently Amanda picked out a lot of the outfits and then...oh, and Sarah loved -- are you listening to me or are you emailing?" BWAH! "I'm listening," Martha says, while studiously punching away at her Blackberry, and to prove it, she repeats Alexis's last sentence. Man. Wow. WHY couldn't we have had more moments like that? And that's the most awesome thing that happened in this episode. Alexis, call me!

Martha arrives at the fashion show, is greeted by Dawna, and asks Dawna how much she loves the venue. Dawna loves the venue. "Yeah, our dentist got married here last year," Martha says. That's just...I mean, that's like saying, "Our maid got married here last year." It's so weird. It's not, "My friend got married here," because it's that nice. It's like, "It's just good enough for the man who scrapes plaque off my teeth. Oh, and plus? You could never afford it. But my dentist can because he's MY dentist."

The throngs mass in and seat themselves. Dawna escorts Martha, Alexis, and Charles to their seats. The fashion show starts. Dawna watches as the hired professionals cue up and send the models on their merry way. Martha is admiring. Dawna is happy. The models keep stomping. Charles lets out a "hubba hubba" after one of the models spins and stomps. Ew, Charles. The last fashion -- a bronze dress with an Audrey Hepburn skirt -- comes out, and Dawna is relieved. Everyone applauds. The models mass down the catwalk. Amanda hoots and howls. Dawna continues to clap and is now in tears, but they are happy tears. She hugs Sarah and thanks her. Dawna confessionals how happy all the Liz Clay-BORNE executives were with the result. Even Creative Bitch hugs Dawna and compliments her over and over again on a job well done.

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Apprentice: Martha




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