Apprentice: Martha
The Finale

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Here Comes the Dawna

We cut to Dawna's life in Florida. She swims, and according to all the swimmers sitting in my living room, she swims very well. Dawna says that her success in business comes from the competitive edge she developed as an athlete. Aw, they have Dawna walk into her offices with a dog! Yep, if there's a dog, there's a win. Dawna talks about how she started Her Sports magazine in order to help other women be healthy and active. She works with her husband on the magazine and they both love the job so much, they don't really consider it work. Now we get scenes of Dawna, dog, and friends motorboating around. Dawna, natch, is the driver. Dawna thinks she is a better fit for Martha's company. Back in the studio, Dawna struts out in a black, cleavage-less business suit and sits down next to Bethenny. They don't hug. Thank god. Dawna looks great, by the way. Bethenny may have a better shape for clothes and a more polished dress sense, but Dawna has undergone some major changes. For one, her hair is cut and styled in a softer, more flattering look. She also doesn't look so pasty and worn out. If possible, she even looks younger than she did on the show, but I attribute that to extra special lights on Martha's set. Both finalists keep painfully fixed smiles on their faces as Charles gives his opinions about Bethenny. Charles repeats the fact that Bethenny is passionate and creative, but brings up the fact that she doesn't necessarily play well with others. Martha turns to Alexis and says, "And what about Dawna." "Well, if you want to know what I really think, you'll have to tune in to my radio show on Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 112 every day at noon," Alexis says. Everyone laughs and the audience applauds. I'd be tuning in if I didn't think it was so obscene to be charging more than thirty bucks a month to listen to a radio station. Alexis does find Dawna to be a little dispassionate and a little uncreative, but still thinks she's better suited to being Martha's Apprentice. Did you see what they did? They did Pro, Con, Con, Pro. We used to do that in the sorority how when discussing "matters." You started and ended on a positive.

Martha then embarks on a tedious Q&A with the teammates Dawna and Bethenny had helping them on their final task. Martha asks what qualities Dawna lacks as a leader. Amanda, from the depths of her bulky black-and-white jacket with a huge houndstooth print, says she can't think of anything that Dawna lacks as a leader, "because she's probably the strongest leader I've ever met." Dawna smiles at her with teary eyes. Martha wants Hateful Jim to tell her if he thinks Bethenny chose her team well. Hateful Jim thinks she chose her team well because she chose "the most powerful players." Ryan -- powerful? Or drunk? Carrie -- powerful? Or bitchy? Hateful Jim -- insane? Or insane? Hateful Jim says that "as you can plainly see," Bethenny's event "came off much nicer." Um, no. Martha now takes the time to crank on Hateful Jim. She wonders how on earth he, of all people, ended up with such a beautiful wife and kids. All of America wonders that, Martha. Well, those that are still watching, I should say. "I think you're an actor," Martha says, and turns to the audience: "I think [Hateful] Jim's whole thing was a big act -- he could never have such a beautiful wife and such beautiful children and be the way he was on this Apprentice." Hateful Jim says that he's a very lucky man and that he's a winner. Actually, from where this show stands, you're a loser. Martha now turns to Sarah, commenting on how tough Creative Bitch was on Dawna's team and how the Liz Clay-BORNE execs weren't necessarily completely pleased with Dawna's work. Sarah doesn't think that's entirely true, and thinks they were just freaked about how the timeline was progressing, "They're used to having a lot of time to get things done and we were at an accelerated pace." Without waiting to find out what Carrie thought of Bethenny (damn!), Martha goes to commercial break and promises she will have her decision for us when we get back.Back from break, the show puts a big "Live" over Alexis's face and Martha reminds us what we are watching. She turns to ask Bethenny why she found it unnecessary to praise her team when they had finished helping her with the circus. "I did say 'thank you' to them -- I had a very difficult time because my team wasn't really -- they were all very disgruntled. I hadn't worked with them and they really didn't want to be there." Wait, she HADN'T worked with them? In what alternate universe did she not work with Hateful Jim and Carrie? Bethenny explains that she chose a more "passive" management style. ["Oh, Bethenny. Don't you know the coded language by now? 'Hands-off,' woman, not 'passive'! Argh." -- Sars] She knew everything that was going on and was letting her team do their individual things. Martha interrupts her to ask if she thinks she has the business skills "that go with the $250,000 executive salary that [she] would be earning at Martha Stewart Living." Of course Bethenny thinks she does. She says it's a misconception that she's not corporate because she's done events for Merv Griffin and million-dollar events for Disney. "I'm just flamboyant and need to be rounded out a bit, but you know what? I get things done. I mean, this was a disgruntled team, and they pulled it off for me with, you know, a great event," Bethenny responds.

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Apprentice: Martha




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