Apprentice

“One of Us Will Win, But Not by Much” - It's the final episode, which means Donald Trump is going to do that weird one-shot monologue thing. This is the best moment of the entire season, because each thing Donald stomps by is more preposterous and egomaniacal than the...

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All-Star Celebrity Apprentice: Second Impressions

All-Star Celebrity Apprentice: Second Impressions

These "celebrities" are back for a second chance to make a first impression.

RECAPS, WEECAPS, AND MORE

Latest Episode

13-12
Weecap

The Prestige

“One of Us Will Win, But Not by Much” - The winner is announced, after hours of relatively inconsequential programming.

06.02.2015 B-

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Ep.

Title

Air/Pub'l

Grade

Author

13-11
Weecap

I Scream, You Scream, But No One Screams Louder Than Gary Busey

“May the Spoon Be With You” - The final four are narrowed mercilessly down to two, who then have to design an ice cream flavor and start in on the final task.

05.12.2013
05.13.2013
A-

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13-10
Weecap

King for a Cray

The Mayor of Stress Town - Does chess make for a good party? Spoiler alert: it absolutely does not.

05.05.2013
05.06.2013
B-

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13-9
Weecap

Lights, Camera, Mechanical Dog

“Ahab’s in Charge, and He’s Gone Mad” - We've seen some terrible celebrity attempts at finished products, but Gary Busey's "product demonstration" is possibly the worst.

06.02.2015
04.29.2013
A-

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13-8
Weecap

Romance, Adventure, A Guy in a Shark Suit

“Are You My Zulu Dancing Man?” - The teams set out to promote South Africa as a destination, and somehow end up pushing people across the room in an office chair.

04.21.2013
04.22.2013
C

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13-7
Weecap

The Coolest Guy On the Beach

The First Leaf That Hits the Ground - The celebrities create silent "mini-movies" for sun care products, but more importantly, Gary Busey is Project Manager.

04.14.2013
04.15.2013
B-

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13-6
Weecap

Simply Merlernia

“How Do You Spell Milania” - What's in a name? Everything, it turns out, when you marry well enough to launch your own skincare line with your name as the brand.

04.07.2013
04.08.2013
C

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13-5
Weecap

Modern Art, in 3D

Lightning Strikes Mr. Hang Brain - When it comes to making "3D art," some celebrities are better at making money than others.

03.31.2013
04.01.2013
D+

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13-4
Weecap

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

“Men in Black Are Gonna Come Get Him” - The celebrities create interactive campaigns for Farouk hair care systems as Gary Busey continues to distract, everyone fears Omarosa, and Marilu Henner remembers it all.

03.24.2013
03.25.2013
C-

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13-3
Weecap

Soap Drop-era

“I’m Being Punked by a Jackson” - In this two-hour advertisement for Crystal Light, the celebrities create mini soap operas to promote Crystal Light Liquid Drops, for celebrities and regular people who want to jazz up their water.

03.17.2013
03.18.2013
B

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13-2
Weecap

Finally Understanding Nothing

Just as Simple as Making Soup - The teams are tasked with making "photo experiences" for Universal Orlando Resort, and it goes poorly because no one knows what they're doing.

03.10.2013
03.11.2013
C-

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13-1
Weecap

That's an Expensive Meatball

The Wolf in Charge of the Hen House - Gary Busey and Omarosa are back, along with some other Celebrity Apprentice All-Stars who don't stand a chance at getting attention with those two here.

03.03.2013
03.04.2013
B

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12-14
Weecap

Hall of Fame

And the Winner Is… - No meltdowns, no screaming matches, no boardroom battle to the death? What the hell kind of show is this?

05.20.2012
05.21.2012
B

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12-13
Weecap

Mural's Wedding

And Then There Were Two - There's no wedding in this penultimate episode of the season. There's no mural either, just endless arguments between Clay and Debbie Gibson about one. But just try and stop me from making a Toni Collette reference! Just try.

05.13.2012
05.14.2012
N/A

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12-12
Weecap

Prostitution Bore

Blown Away - Teresa Guidice never really brought the combativeness that Donald Trump was expecting of her. Also, she's of sub-average intelligence. That she made the top five at all is an indictment of more people than I care to fathom.

05.06.2012
05.07.2012
B-

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12-11
Weecap

Jingle Hell

Jingle All the Way Home - Dayana takes the reins for a jingle-writing competition and ends up antagonizing both Clay and Lisa, to extreme degrees. Meanwhile, Aubrey remains burdened with being the greatest person in the world.

04.29.2012
04.30.2012
B-

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12-10
Weecap

Donald Trump Smells

Winning By a Nose - Who wants to smell like Donald Trump?? The teams have to sell a cologne called "Success by Donald Trump" and somehow keep everybody from laughing/barfing. Aubrey declares herself a one-woman team, but it's the Clay/Penn season long rivalry that comes to a head.

04.22.2012
04.23.2012
N/A

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12-9
Weecap

It's Like Some Kind of Torture to Have to Watch This Show

Puppet Up! - Trump hops on the Muppet bandwagon as the teams have to present a puppet show for a live audience. Paul's sedentary, Teresa's an idiot, Dayana is marginalized and Lisa is maybe in need of some meds.

04.15.2012
04.16.2012
B-

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12-8
Weecap

That's Entertainment(.com)!

Ad Hawk - Everything is happiness and harmony on a challenge for Entertainment.com, until it isn't anymore.

04.08.2012
04.09.2012
B-

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12-7
Weecap

Walking and Talking

Walking Papers - Debbie Gibson runs afoul of Teresa yet again, Aubrey and Arsenio become the Nene and Star of this season and the Teflon dunce, Lou Ferrigno, gets another teammate fired.

04.01.2012
04.02.2012
B-

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12-6
Weecap

Psycho Beach Party

Party Like a Mock-Star - The teams are tasked with throwing launch parties for new flavors of Crystal Light. Clay gets his sing on while the women get along for once, but Aubrey's horrible grudge against Venezuela rears its obnoxiously red head.

03.25.2012
03.26.2012
B

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12-5
Weecap

Condescendin' the Clowns

I’m Going To Mop the Floor With You - When the teams have to create a viral video for a mop, Lou Ferrigno dances his way to victory for Unanimous, even as Penn Jillette finds himself positioned as the new villain.

03.18.2012
03.19.2012
C-

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12-4
Weecap

In Fair Verano, Where We Lay Our Scene

Failure to Launch - When the Celeb-pprenti are tasked with pimping out the Buick Verano, the women eke out a victory as Michael Andretti snubs his orders to be Project Manager for Unanimous and Adam Carolla refuses to bring two men back to the boardroom.

03.11.2012
03.12.2012
B-

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12-3
Weecap

Window Stressing

How Much Is That Celebrity in the Window? - The ladies finally secure a win when even two big-time gays can't help team Unanimous in a window display task based around Ivanka Trump's shoes and accessories.

03.04.2012
03.05.2012
C

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12-2
Weecap

One Knight Only

Getting Medieval - The teams must create a 15-minute performance for Medieval Times. In the boardroom, Lou Ferrigno hulks out when the threat of being fired arises, but it's a bitter argument between Lisa Lampanelli and Victoria Gotti that really brings emotions to the surface.

02.26.2012
02.27.2012
C-

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12-1
Weecap

Chronic Fa-Tiegs Syndrome

Hero Worship - The newest batch of Apprenti sell sandwiches for charity. American Chopper boss Paul Teutul Sr. picks on George Takei, which is unacceptable. A tatted-up chick makes it rain on Clay Aiken. And, despite, a snore-inducing demonstration of harmony and team spirit, one of the ladies admits this competition isn't for her.

02.19.2012
02.20.2012
C

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11-12
Weecap

Cowboy 7Up

7Up Finale Part 2: Sweet Victory - It's not enough that John Rich wins; he also gets Trump to sport a cowboy hat on live TV, shocking his children and all of America.

05.22.2011
05.23.2011
A

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11-11
Weecap

Make 7Up Yours

Retro Rumble - Our final two are both asked to do this (after their two other competitors are eliminated) in a challenge to celebrate the retro "uncola."

05.15.2011
05.16.2011
B-

admin

11-10
Weecap

So Long, Sweetie

Laugh On - Ding dong, the witch is dead. This episode gets an A+ because we got rid of three people -- including America's worst nightmare -- whittling our way down to the final four.

05.08.2011
05.09.2011
A+

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11-9
Weecap

Evil. Fat. Lady.

Shear Madness - As the men calmly sail through another challenge (this one about styling women's hair, of all things), Star and NeNe go toe-to-toe from the start of the episode to the end. It's almost Shakespearean in magnitude, and they'll fortunately both be around another week. Also Shakespearean? A ghost of firings past returns to haunt us.

05.01.2011
05.02.2011
A+

admin

11-8
Weecap

Not So Suite

Bitter Suites - The teams are tasked with making an ad for the Trump Hotel Collection, which is a colossal failure. But someone has to lose.

04.24.2011
04.25.2011
A

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11-7
Weecap

Put A Fork In Busey...

Raising the Steaks - Because, after leading a steak-cooking task, he's finally, gloriously, done.

04.17.2011
04.18.2011
A

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11-6
Weecap

He Just Wants To Fly

Australian Gold - When the men's team loses again, project manager Mark McGrath offers himself up as a sacrificial lamb, but his team has a different opinion.

04.10.2011
04.11.2011
C+

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11-5
Weecap

Let's Make A Deal

The Art of the Deal - The winning team in a fundraising task gets to choose whether to fire someone from the other team or not. And it turns out they're not complete morons, so Trump gets to utter his famous catchphrase.

04.03.2011
04.04.2011
A

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11-4
Weecap

Shameful Resignation

Off the Hook - It's a close loss this week, but there's no question who Trump's going to fire when someone offers herself up. We all know how Trump feels about quitters (you know, except for last week).

03.27.2011
03.28.2011
A

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11-3
Weecap

Calm of the Wild

Unhappy Campers - Niki Taylor's either sleepy or bored as she leads her team to a loss, and Busey leads like he does everything else: indecipherably

03.20.2011
03.21.2011
B

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11-2
Weecap

Mean Girls

Child’s Play - Bully Star Jones and her followers pressure Lisa Rinna into leading the team, then push her around through the task. It all ends with a loss, and a boardroom fight that's more of a whimper than a roar.

03.13.2011
03.14.2011
B

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11-1
Weecap

Crazy Train

Pepperoni Profit - All aboard Team Backbone: Richard Hatch is as much of an ass as he's ever been, Gary Busey is terminally insane, and Jose Canseco HULKs out in the boardroom.

03.06.2011
03.07.2011
A

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10-13
Weecap

Out With A Whimper

Welcome to the Club - This incredibly dull season ends with a showdown between two incredibly dull players, making for ... I think you can guess where we're going with this.

12.09.2010
12.10.2010
C

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10-12
Weecap

Fighting the Fairway

Tee’d Off - Trump divvies the final tasks at Trump National Golf Course. Clint opts for a dinner gala with a concert by Liza Minnelli, and Brandy is charged with putting together a golf tournament featuring Kathy Griffin, but eleventh-hour challenges promise to take down one or both finalists.

12.02.2010
12.03.2010
B+

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10-11
Weecap

A Very Supple, Cavernous, and Snuggly Episode

Driving Miz-rahi - The teams travel to QVC for a relatively tranquil challenge in which quantity rules over quality. As such, Clint edges out Steuart for the Final Two.

11.25.2010
11.26.2010
B

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10-10
Weecap

I Want My FLO TV

Must-See Mobile TV - The teams create a 30-second ad pimping mobile TV. Octane works in relative harmony since Brandy has totally checked out. They win over Fortitude, whose ad made practically no sense and advocated for watching TV on the job. Yet somehow, despite her ace concept and execution, Stephanie is sent packing.

11.18.2010
11.19.2010
C

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10-9
Weecap

Don't Be an Ass

Episode 9 - A very special episode in which we learn the likes and dislikes of Kim Kardashian, and the dangers of text messaging.

11.11.2010
11.12.2010
N/A

admin

10-8
Weecap

Being Secretly Gay Doesn't Pay

Dressed to Kill - David falls for a male model, and then refuses to come out of the closet in the boardroom. Awkward!

11.04.2010
11.05.2010
A

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10-7
Weecap

Drama Queen

Broadway Boardroom - David proves to be quite good at musical theater. And everyone finally stops being afraid and speaks up against Mahsa.

10.28.2010
10.29.2010
A+

admin

10-6
Weecap

Location, Location, Location

Pedicab Confessions - Location leads to one team's demise, but the other team begs Trump to have mercy and fire one of them, too.

10.21.2010
10.22.2010
B

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10-5
Weecap

"It Was Like Watching A Horse Die"

Episode 5 - Yes, that's a quote from the episode, but it's also the most apt description of what happens when the teams are tasked with putting on shoe fashion shows.

10.14.2010
10.15.2010
A-

admin

10-4
Weecap

"Minus One Tooth, We Still Prevail"

Episode 4 - David has a fight with a bagel -- and the bagel wins. At least it's more of a fair fight than Mahsa vs. Tyana.

10.07.2010
10.08.2010
B

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10-3
Weecap

Pack Leader

Episode 3 - Cesar Millan stops by to judge the teams' doggie day care centers, and you'd think someone might pick up some leadership skills while he's in the building. But they don't.

09.30.2010
10.01.2010
C

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10-2
Weecap

Ice Cream, You Scream

Episode 2 - The teams are tasked with what should be pleasant -- selling ice cream -- but it gets ugly before they even hit the boardroom, and only gets worse from there.

09.23.2010
09.24.2010
B

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10-1
Weecap

Designing Women

Episode 1 - Our non-celebrity apprentices return just like they left us: Bickering, backbiting, fighting and getting fired. Only this time -- have you heard? -- the economy's bad, so they're more desperate then ever before.

09.16.2010
09.17.2010
A+

admin

9-11
Weecap

Something to Believe In

Episode 11 - We spend two hours building up to Trump's announcement of the new Celebrity Apprentice -- but before he reveals who it is, he takes away any advantage to winning that title. It's all feel-good or something, unless you're watching it.

05.23.2010
05.24.2010
B

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9-10
Weecap

Tea Party

Episode 10 - The firings come quickly this week, followed by a lot of buildup to next week's finale, which pits Bret vs. Holly in a task to create and market a new Snapple iced tea.

05.16.2010
05.17.2010
B

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9-9
Weecap

Fight to the Finish

Episode 9 - When a new Tenacity (Holly, Bret, and Cyndi) lose and face off in the boardroom, all three of them fight hard, like they really want to be here. What a nice change of pace.

05.09.2010
05.10.2010
A

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9-8
Weecap

Put Another Shrimp on the Barbie

Episode 8 - The teams have to write jingles about air conditioning, plumbing, and electricians, so the real drama's in the boardroom, where Sharon and Maria reveal they hate sweet, adorable Curtis and want to punch him in the face. Huh?

05.02.2010
05.03.2010
B+

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9-7
Weecap

Get Well Soon

Episode 7 - Bret thrusts and grinds through a rock star workout while we say a little prayer for him.

04.25.2010
04.26.2010
A-

admin

9-5
Weecap

Girls Just Wanna Manage This

Episode 6 - It's a race to see which woman can be more difficult to work with. Is it too much talky? Or too little brain? Or too prissy of a demeanor?

04.18.2010
04.19.2010
B

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9-5
Weecap

Not A Dream Team

Episode 5 - Two former NBA stars show up to star in deodorant ads made by our insane, sniping "celebrity" players, and surely leave asking themselves if there's compensation enough in the world to pay for the pain and suffering of being part of this show.

04.11.2010
04.12.2010
B+

admin

9-4
Weecap

Nerdlingers

Episode 4 - The men aren't big enough Harry Potter geeks to win a challenge that involves wizarding "facts" and "authenticity."

04.04.2010
04.05.2010
B-

admin

9-3
Weecap

Strawberry Crumble

Episode 3 - The teams both pretty much fail in creating advertorials that convey how Norton and LifeLock have teamed up to battle identity theft. Cyndi's ramblings and Blago's complete ignorance of technology are just a few stumbling blocks. Tenacity ekes out a second consecutive win, proving RockSolid to be less than their title implies. Despite PM Michael's idiotic protestations, Darryl checks himself out of Trump towers.

03.28.2010
03.29.2010
D

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9-2
Weecap

Golden Rod

Episode 2 - A Kodak task has the teams creating a Moment for customers using the ubiquitous brand's cameras, printers, website, etc. Scatterbrained players bring down both teams but RockSolid who suffers the most. Sinbad is sent packing, mainly because Trump doesn't get his balloon jokes.

03.21.2010
03.22.2010
B

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9-1
Weecap

"Those Beeyotches Are Gonna Be Sorry"

Episode 1 - Fourteen "celebrities" are back as we answer the ultimate question: Can Curtis Stone out-cook a Victoria's Secret model in a restaurant-running task?

03.14.2010
03.15.2010
N/A

admin

6-14
Recap

Lessons Learned

Season 6 Decision Time - Trump takes out first Frankie and Nikki, then -- for reasons only known to him -- James, resulting in one of the only legitimate winners in the history of this show. That takes up five minutes; the rest is mostly Hair and whinging.

04.21.2007
04.27.2007
B-

admin

6-13
Recap

Lesson Thirteen: Stinky Bums Are Definitely Funny

The Final Four - Totally Bizarre: Nicole ROCKS, Frank is HELPFUL and MOTIVATED, and Stefani SAYS and DOES things. In front of everybody! Less Bizarre: James is deluded and sucky; returnees Tim and Surya say nothing for the entire task. Not That Bizarre At All Really: returnees Aaron and Angela turn invisible, while the stronger personalities shine; Don's hair reaches weirdness levels equaling that of his father's.

04.14.2007
04.20.2007
A

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6-12
Recap

Lesson Twelve: Go With Your Gut

Las Vegas, Baby! - The tents are gone, there are no more Project Managers, the Apprenti reshuffle into three teams, and the world is finally rid of the strong, independent, beautiful, intelligent women of Kinetic.

04.07.2007
04.13.2007
B-

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6-11
Recap

Lesson Eleven: The Smartness Is In The Science!

Shut Your Smartmouth - But Frank's is still M.I.A., as Tim openly states when he gets backed into the corner during this season's second-grossest boardroom.

03.31.2007
04.06.2007
C-

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6-10
Recap

Lesson Ten: After This Interview I'm Still Me

Girls On Rollerskates - Angela learns that Olympian and Workhorse are not an entire person; Frank continues to be weirdly awesome; Tim and Nicole have strengths and weaknesses some more.

03.24.2007
03.31.2007
B-

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6-9
Recap

Lesson Nine: Pain Is Temporary

Soap Gets In Your Eyes - Trump's continuing breakdown in the face of massive disrespect hits another level; Nicole is gross in a bathroom; Heidi reveals her awesome true reality.

03.17.2007
03.22.2007
A

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6-8
Recap

Lesson Eight: The Level Of Our Incompetence

Bend It Like Donald - A half-time show for some soccer team I've never heard of means skits about vitamins, lots of bitching, the exposure of James's CYA nature, and Muna's emergence into the radar. In other news, it's really hard to create compelling or fun skits about vitamins.

03.10.2007
03.17.2007
A

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6-7
Recap

Lesson Seven: Sometimes The Joke Is Not On You

Life In The Luxury Lane - Jenn and Derek are double-cobra'd in the sweetest, funniest, weirdest episode in recent memory. A car that is also a witch, a woman who is also a robot, and a switcheroo of trash and class. Oh, and SNOOP.

03.03.2007
03.09.2007
A+

admin

6-6
Recap

Lesson Six: Accessibility Is Never Politically Incorrect

Travel Sweepstakes Smackdown - Everybody gets tongue-tied when a language barrier sends Kinetic out to the yard again, and Tim kisses Nicole on the mouth, whilst sitting in a tree.

02.17.2007
02.23.2007
B-

admin

6-5
Recap

Lesson Five: Speak Up. Or: Don't, Depending

To Bee Or Not To Bee - Aaron loses a honey-marketing task by wandering about aimlessly, sending Team Arrow back to the yard; Aimee remains Kinetic PM despite also wandering about aimlessly.

02.10.2007
02.16.2007
B-

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6-4
Recap

Lesson Four: Don't Use Your Words

Drive-Thru Duel - A mere bowl of chicken and mangos destroys everything Heidi has worked so hard for -- except the continuing hypnosis under which her team continues to labor.

01.27.2007
02.02.2007
B-

admin

6-3
Recap

Lesson Three: Finite & Infinite Games

Hollywood Walk Of Shame - Michelle engages in violence against words and the game itself, freaking out everybody involved with the show, after an Arrow v. Arrow task sends Kinetic to the spa for a day of relaxation and yet more drinking.

01.21.2007
01.25.2007
B-

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6-2
Recap

Lesson Two: Be The Good Kind Of Gay

Pink Is The New Black - Nicole leads Team Arrow to another loss after failing to control the monster that is Carey's crotch, wounding Trump perhaps permanently.

01.13.2007
01.19.2007
D

admin

6-1
Recap

Lesson One: Jump That Shark Like You Mean It

To Have And Have Not - Perpetual PM Heidi wins the first task: a car wash; Loser PM Frank takes Martin into the boardroom, then shreds eardrums for the remainder of the episode.

01.06.2007
01.12.2007
A

admin

5-15
Recap

Lesson Fifteen: Shed Your Personality Like So Many Unwanted Pounds

Season 5 Finale - Sean and Lee, the least memorable personages ever to grace your screen past Week Five, go head-to-head in a battle so uninteresting they don't even bother to show it.

06.04.2006
06.14.2006
C-

admin

5-14
Recap

Lesson Fourteen: Accountability Is A Choice

The Final Battle - The final task gets underway, as Team Lee freaks out their corporate and charity sponsors while doing nothing to prepare for the Barenaked Ladies, while Team Sean loses their PM to fake romance and a team member to Ebola.

05.28.2006
06.03.2006
B+

admin

5-13
Recap

Lesson Thirteen: You Are His Bitch, He Will Be Hanging His Slam On You

Who Wears The Pants? - A fashion-design task proves once again that you can't keep a good man down, or a couple of mediocre ones, even -- but you can do whatever you want to the ladies.

05.21.2006
05.27.2006
B-

admin

5-12
Recap

Lesson Twelve: Use Your Words

Backs Against The Wal-Mart - The Commemorative Stacie J sisterhood breakdown comes later this year than usual, but the result is the same: the Synergy Xbox task goes down in flames even though the Rush project looks like hell, and PM Tammy goes home.

05.14.2006
05.20.2006
B-

admin

5-11
Recap

Lesson Eleven: Don't Share Bitches

Back To School - Outback and Rutgers proves an unbeatable combination for Synergy and PM Roxanne, while PM Lee loses for the first time as a team leader, and "fires" Michael.

05.07.2006
05.13.2006
A

admin

5-10
Recap

Lesson Ten: Girls R Just Dum

Blow Out - A task in a hair salon turns every male candidate into a lumbering idiot, because that's how not gay they are, and Trump into something really terribly troubling. PM Charmaine and anti-PM Tarek finally both get the boot.

04.30.2006
05.06.2006
F

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5-9
Recap

Lesson Nine: You Can't Bulk-Sell Bullshit

Assault On Battery - Gold Rush does a Fatality move on Synergy, beating them not only soundly but brilliantly, under the watchful eye of Lady Liberty. Both Ivanka and Donald, Jr. are there to watch it, which somehow makes it even more amazing, but not as amazing as watching Andrea's heart grow three sizes on the cab ride home.

04.23.2006
04.29.2006
A

admin

5-8
Recap

Lesson Eight: Horatio Alger Is Mother Goose For Weasels

A Slice Of Heaven - The self-mythologizing of Lee goes into turbo mode as we remember what he's really like, and try to invent more Jewish holidays so he'll go away again. Leslie gets fired, but...I don't believe we've met.

04.09.2006
04.16.2006
C+

admin

5-7
Recap

Lesson Seven: Speak My Language

It’s More Than D├ęcor - PM Michael does not lead Synergy to victory, exactly, but PM Lenny screws up amazingly enough that he gets a boot via the Boys and Girls Club rec room task.

04.09.2006
04.15.2006
C

admin

5-6
Recap

Lesson Six: Trump's Your Momma Now

King Of The Jingle - Yet another candidate falls prey to the idea that there are points for good behavior, while behaving horribly. A surfeit of all-natural chicken melodies about all-natural chicken, pissy tantrums, creepy Brit-centric threesomes, and an almost-complete lack of Andrea send Bryce home nuttier than he started.

04.02.2006
04.08.2006
C+

admin

5-5
Recap

Lesson Five: Zip It! How Many Times Do You Need To Hear This?

Cruise Control - Dan asks politely to be fired after a disastrous ad campaign for a cruise line causes Tarek to revert to his pre-Clockwork state. Roxanne leads everybody in Synergy to victory, and Andrea leads herself over the edge altogether.

03.26.2006
04.01.2006
B+

admin

5-4
Recap

Lesson Four: How To Sell Brent Michael Buckman Down The River Once Again

Cereal Killers - Synergy PM Tammy and her Mean Girl BFF Andrea successfully destroy the lambent hope of Brent; Gold Rush Charmaine makes good; everybody eats boxes and boxes of an unpronounceable cereal.

03.19.2006
03.25.2006
A+

admin

5-3
Recap

Lesson Three: Holidays Are For The Lazy

Get It In Gear - Lenny goes nuts on every single person, Brent is almost eaten by a shark, Theresa loses her mind, Tarek loses his jerkiness, Andrea is a great manager but has emotional problems, and we still haven't gotten word one from the majority of the contestants, because this show is even more of a freakshow this year than ever before.

03.12.2006
03.18.2006
A

admin

5-2
Recap

"You Are Chaos And Disorganization!"

The Razor’s Edge - Brent's continuing whirlwind of bullcrap bounces off Boyfriend Bill and sticks to both Pepi, who sucks as a PM unbelievably, and Stacy, who's admittedly kind of a jerk to Brent anyway.

03.05.2006
03.11.2006
B+

admin

5-1
Recap

Lesson One: Competence Is Only Skin Deep

Summer Of Sam’s - The best team-picking exercise in the history of the show takes place this season, as a beauty pageant on a dusky Long Island airport runway. Lenny, Lee, and Summer all suffer Tarek's wrath, but it's Summer who throws herself in front of a bullet labeled "Tarek" at the last moment, and is sent home for the simple reason of her immense stupidity.

02.27.2006
03.03.2006
A

admin

4-13
Recap

Lesson Thirteen: People Aren't Metaphors

Season Finale - Randal and Rebecca go head-to-head, and one after the other, Trump first hands them the Apprenticeship and then snatches it away. Rebecca is offered a job the next day by Yahoo!, while Randal gets to spend the next year lame-ducking it up in an office that even Kelly wouldn't abide. Sole winner: Trump, but then, he has to be Trump. Every single day.

12.14.2005
12.20.2005
A

admin

4-12
Recap

Lesson Twelve: The Customer Is Always "Right"

The Final Showdown - Randal and Rebecca go head-to-head with their hand-picked teams, but a mysteriously disappearing Joe Piscopo and a suddenly appearing thunderstorm make sure that it's all of us who have the last laugh.

12.07.2005
12.13.2005
B+

admin

4-11
Recap

Lesson Eleven: Be Bold, And Mighty Forces Will Come To Your Aid

To Lead Or Not To Lead - "Goethe said that. It's not too late for you to become a person of substance." Boldness is the watchword as Felisha and Alla approach mutually assured destruction, while Randal and Rebecca finally complete that freaky mind-meld they've been working on. After a disastrous Microsoft promo video, we quickly go to an Excel final two, as the remaining members of the Bloven are sent packing.

11.30.2005
12.04.2005
B+

admin

4-10
Recap

Lesson Ten: Keep It In The Aughts

Shaniagans - Excel and Capital Edge take it to the limit, horse-and-buggy style, celebrating the life and smell of Shania Twain. PM Randal overcomes PM Alla for like the hundredth time, thanks in largest part to a bad Adam idea, but also because Rebecca and Randal totally serve them up a nice hot cup of industrial espionage.

11.23.2005
11.24.2005
B

admin

4-9
Recap

Lesson Nine: Your Life Is Not The Truman Show

One Hit Blunder - It's international a-go-go as The Sovereign Nation of Clay is tread on for the last time by new team Excel. Alla, Adam, and Capital Edge PM Felisha are revealed as the blandest kids in Blandonia, and thereby win the task, adorably. Meanwhile, Randal and Rebecca take a short trip to Fake Nigeria, where they are busted for lots of little things by Trump.

11.16.2005
11.19.2005
B

admin

4-8
Recap

Lesson Eight: If There Is No "Try," You're All Screwed

Store Wars - If you've heard of this "Star Wars" thing, you might understand this episode, but...I, for one, have never heard of it. In fact, the only people who have are Trump and Randal, but this doesn't save Excel from a crash-and-burn that leaves both Brian and Marshawn in the wreckage. Meanwhile, Clay proves me right about him one hundred more times.

11.09.2005
11.12.2005
C+

admin

4-7
Recap

Lesson Seven: If You Can't Say Anything Well…

Back To School - Team Excel -- PM Randal, Marshawn, Rebecca, and Brian -- teach a class on making yourself stand out. Capital Edge (PM Adam, Markus, Felisha, Clay, and Alla) make themselves stand out, all right -- as total fools -- teaching a class about Sex In The Workplace. Then Donald Trump freaks your brain out.

11.02.2005
11.08.2005
A+

admin

4-6
Recap

Lesson Six: Don't Swing When You're Selling

Take Me Out To The Boardroom - The newly-aligned Excel and Capital Edge go head-to-head in a Dick's Sporting Goods Event that leaves Excel down four players: PM Josh, Jenthura, Mark, and James. Meanwhile, PM Alla and her new Capital Edge get crazy all East-Hamptons-style.

10.26.2005
11.01.2005
B+

admin

4-5
Recap

Lesson Five: Swing When You're Winning

Lost In Space - Capital Edge gains the Randal Edge, and Brian offends Markus's delicate sensibilities, on a task promoting the quasi-sequel to Jumanji. PM Jennifer and Kristi get all kinds of mud-slinging mad in an explosive boardroom that ends with a whimper -- namely Carolyn's -- as Kristi is sent home as the fourth social scapegoat running.

10.19.2005
10.25.2005
C+

admin

4-4
Recap

Lesson Four: Strap It Back

Ice Cream Of Genie - Whether it's your unearned sense of superiority or anything else you like to swing around, this week we learn to tone it down and let it speak for itself, and take our punches where they fall. In a promotional campaign for Dairy Queen, Felisha finally takes out Toral -- a devoted member of the militant anti-milkshake-ist sect -- while Clay cracks the whip enough to satisfy even Josh and Mark.

10.12.2005
10.18.2005
C+

admin

4-3
Recap

Lesson Three: Whoring It Up For The Community

Something Old, Something New - Toral, Rebecca, and Clay show their true colors (Supercilious Superiority Salmon, Steely Blue, and Undermining Aubergine), while Mark shows his stupid hick teeth some more. Excel PM Randal leads his team to victory in the "Tech Expo" and Jen W.'s hideous layout gets her gone.

10.05.2005
10.11.2005
C+

admin

4-2
Recap

Lesson Two: Leave It On The Playground

There’s No “I” In Team - After several mistakes with their Lamborghini ad campaign, including a semiotic misstep equating the car with the rise of fascism in mid-twentieth century Italy, Team Excel's PM Chris basically asks to be sent home by choosing to put the team's hatred of Markus ahead of properly-assigned blame. Trump obliges.

09.28.2005
10.04.2005
B

admin

4-1
Recap

Lesson One: Don't Make People Hate You

Let’s Get Physical - Trump tries and fails to teach Markus and Melissa that not being a total jerk-off is the first key to success, as they drive their respective teams, you and me, an entire gender, the Viceroys, and Trump himself to utter rage. The first task, selling extra-cost fitness classes at two different Bally's gyms, gives the men the early advantage, but Markus loses his exemption from next week's Boardroom. After a slightly post-feminist and hugely insane episode-long rant about God knows what, Melissa goes home without having learned a damn thing.

09.21.2005
09.27.2005
B+

admin

3-18
Extra

Trumptastic!

Trump: Unauthorized - In this rather wretched Donald Trump biopic, we learn that Ivana had an awesome accent, Marla was kind of dumb and trashy, and Trump's father was mean. "Earth-shattering" doesn't even begin to describe the shattering of the earth that ensues.

05.23.2005
06.06.2005
N/A

admin

3-17
Recap

The court of public Trumpinion

Into The Stretch (3) - In this weird, stilted, abbreviated finale, Trump sits atop a judge's bench in a courtroom of his own making, repeating many of the questions he already asked Kendra and Tana, and then hiring Kendra because Tana was such a jerk to her team. Aside from whatever's going on with Boyfriend Bill's teeth, there's not all that much news.

05.18.2005
05.24.2005
C-

admin

3-16
Recap

Games of the video and Olympic varieties

Into The Stretch (2) - Tana and Kendra continue to plug away at their final tasks. Tana pisses off just about everyone associated with her event, while Kendra charms just about everyone associated with hers. It should be more complicated than that, but...it's not.

05.11.2005
05.17.2005
B

admin

3-15
Recap

Interview to a kill

The Games People Play (1) - Craig, Kendra, and Tana give their interviews, and Craig is quickly dispatched. Kendra and Tana get their final tasks, and they are assigned to work with the lamest members of their teams. It's kind of funny, really.

05.04.2005
05.10.2005
B

admin

3-14
Recap

Fifty years, and it's come to this

Bedazzled By A Beefy T - The now-tiny teams design commemorative T-shirts and sell them, which is about as exciting as it sounds. Alex is a drip, Tana is a flake, and Trump sends the drip packing. Adios, Alex. You never were very impressive.

04.27.2005
05.03.2005
B-

admin

3-13
Recap

Office space

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Clutter - The shrinking teams are assigned to produce clutter-control devices for Staples. Kendra, Craig, and Tana think you need a rotating desk organizer. Alex and Bren think you need another desk. Take a guess. Oh, and take Bren with you.

04.20.2005
04.26.2005
B-

admin

3-12
Recap

The angry young man

A Lonely Drive - It's time to sell cars, and the men of Magna are feeling confident, despite being led by Chris. When Tana and Craig bail on Kendra, she finishes the brochure on her own and brings home the victory. And Chris is finally done. And also? There is crying.

04.13.2005
04.19.2005
B-

admin

3-11
Recap

And now for something completely...uhh...

Seams Stress - The teams design clothes for American Eagle, and sort of for Nokia, and sort of for Sony, and logos are put on backwards and other calamities occur, but when Angie stammers her way through a presentation like a frightened squirrel, she gets the boot.

04.06.2005
04.11.2005
B-

admin

3-10
Recap

Get out of my face

The Pie’s The Limit - It's such a great expression, and they say it so often in this episode. Alex and Chris wind up having this giant dust-up during the pizza task, you know? And Chris sort of spazzes out, and then they overstate each other's reactions, and then Stephanie gets fired anyway. Which is great.

03.30.2005
04.05.2005
B-

admin

3-9
Recap

Box of tricks

Pandora’s Box - A Home Depot task challenges the teams to come up with a "clinic" for a home-improvement project. Craig's idea is so dumb that his team totally wins, and when Erin doesn't so anything on the task and then goes all bitchy in the Boardroom, she leaves, which is cool, because it's time.

03.23.2005
03.29.2005
B+

admin

3-8
Recap

Second Verse, Same As The First

What You Didn’t See… - Little bit longer and a little bit worse! Yeah, it's the clip show, people. You know it, you hate it, you totally don't look forward to it. But here it is anyway.

03.16.2005
03.22.2005
B-

admin

3-8
Recap

Chain wallets and small potatoes

Bling It On - John leads the negotiations for Net Worth when the teams have to deal for charity auction prizes. He is badly outmaneuvered by a twitchy Tana, and the recent spate of project-manager firings is briefly interrupted long enough for John to be sent home.

03.09.2005
03.15.2005
B-

admin

3-7
Recap

Puttering around

Project Putt Putt - This week's task is all about miniature golf, and it delivers all of the pettiness that suggests. Audrey and John have a face-off to see who's the bigger jerk, and it's kind of a photo finish, but she's a more ineffectual jerk, so it's goodbye, Audrey.

03.02.2005
03.08.2005
B-

admin

3-6
Recap

Wall of confusion

The Writing On The Wall - Who knows Harlem? Oh, reality show contestants. And they're heading out to paint an ad on a big wall. But when she gets all community-oriented, Tara shoots herself in the foot and takes her leave. Goodbye, Tara.

02.23.2005
03.01.2005
B-

admin

3-5
Recap

Trailer for sale or rent

Airstream Of Consciousness - The teams are assigned to come up with a "mobile business" in a trailer, and a spa faces off against a casting couch. But not that kind. Magna loses again, and Michael's luck finally runs out.

02.16.2005
02.21.2005
B-

admin

3-4
Recap

Washing out

Soap Dopes - Both of the teams make such crap-ass body wash commercials that they both wind up in the Boardroom, where Kristen is mercifully fired.

02.09.2005
02.15.2005
B

admin

3-3
Recap

Coffee, tea, or blech

Trouble Is Brewing - Instant coffee is the order of the day, and the teams are in charge of coming up with a way to make it look less revolting. Good luck, teams! Unable to rise to the challenge, Danny goes home with his guitar.

02.02.2005
02.07.2005
B-

admin

3-2
Recap

The no-sell motel

Motel 666 - The candidates renovate a couple of Jersey motels and learn that paint is stinky, toilets are expensive, and there is one circumstance in which if you tell Donald Trump what to do, he'll probably do it. Want to guess what it is?

01.26.2005
01.31.2005
B

admin

3-1
Recap

Have it your way or the highway

Whopper 101 - Trump and the butt-kissing non-geniuses angling to work for him are back, and this time, it's all about jealousy and resentment, but at least it's not about gender politics. And also? There's a plastic Viking hat.

01.19.2005
01.25.2005
B

admin

2-16
Recap

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, K-E-L-L-Y...

Decision Time (3) - So the winner is Kelly. And it's almost unanimous, except for Assorama. So that was a close one.

12.15.2004
12.22.2004
C-

admin

2-15
Recap

Flair, Care, And The Dirty Chair

Decision Time (2) - Kelly operates the Connecticut polo match while Jen runs the basketball game, and quite frankly, neither of them comes off especially well. Who will succeed? Who will fail? Does anyone care?

12.15.2004
12.18.2004
B-

admin

2-14
Recap

Kelly and Jen, sitting in a tree

Intellectual Horsepower (1) - F-I-G-H-T-I-N-G. They don't like each other. We don't like them. There is polo and basketball. Is it over yet?

12.08.2004
12.13.2004
B

admin

2-13
Recap

Degradation with a crisp candy shell

Sweet & Lowdown - The paltry remains of the teams go off to sell M&M bars, only to find that the task is primarily about the proper use of stunt pricing. Ivana's late-stage effort to save her team by stripping to her underwear doesn't impress the way you might think, and she finally goes home.

12.01.2004
12.06.2004
B-

admin

2-12
Recap

Memories, a blight on the corners of my mind

A Look Back (Season 2) - Yeah, this season has been pretty random and stupid, as you will immediately notice upon watching this anemic clip show. At least Wes takes his shirt off one last time.

11.30.2004
12.03.2004
B-

admin

2-12
Recap

The [Pepsi] Edge of Reason

The Pepsi Challenged - Have you ever wished there were a drink with all the aftertaste of diet and all the tooth-rotting properties of regular? Enjoy Pepsi Edge, which will be marketed to you either via a hole in the bottle or a geography lesson. I know you cannot wait. Also this week: Andy makes a couple of stupid mistakes and gets fired. But for all the wrong reasons. Well, you'll see.

11.24.2004
12.01.2004
B-

admin

2-11
Recap

Bitchy, death...it's not an easy choice

The Butt Stops Here - Maria takes over Mosaic operations when the team is called upon to do a Levi's catalog. She blinks a lot, but she ultimately flubs the task and acts like a complete buffoon, so that will be it for her. Oh, and also for her PM Wes, who allowed the buffoonery and failed to intervene. Two firings, people. Awesome.

11.17.2004
11.23.2004
B+

admin

2-10
Recap

The vurrrry fahshunable wahhding

Runaway Pride - And the fall in this case is Chris's, when he craps out on the wedding task he so cleverly talked himself into managing. So long, sucker.

11.10.2004
11.16.2004
B

admin

2-9
Recap

Fop till you drop

Bringing Down The House - Raj does just about everything wrong during a home renovation task, and as a result, he finds himself begging for a date on his way to Loserville. Sayonara, you big weirdo.

11.03.2004
11.09.2004
B

admin

2-8
Recap

Dumb as a (cop) rock

A Tale Of Two Leaders - Elizabeth is the PM, and she waffles her way to another loss, while the rest of the candidates go from bad to worse.

10.27.2004
11.02.2004
B

admin

2-7
Recap

For a small person, she was very annoying

Barking Up The Wrong Tree - Stacy has complained, started trouble, pissed people off, and generally done nothing of value for her team. And finally, the time has come for her to go. Oh, and they mix the teams, but that's not nearly as good as the news of Stacy's departure.

10.20.2004
10.26.2004
B+

admin

2-6
Recap

When did "capelets" become all the rage?

Crimes Of Fashion - Apparently, I missed it, but when the teams are assigned to come up with a line of women's clothing, the one thing the designers agree on is that it's all capelets now. The women's capelet is better than the men's, so for once, it's the boys in the Boardroom, where pretty, pretty John takes a powder.

10.13.2004
10.19.2004
B-

admin

2-5
Recap

All up in your grill

Lights! Camera! Transaction! - The teams do a little selling at QVC, where the men have better luck moving a panini grill than the women do with a bunch of magic sponges. Thanks to another group effort from her new horrible team members, Pamela -- the only woman who has done anything worthwhile so far -- finds herself going home. Greeeat.

10.06.2004
10.12.2004
B-

admin

2-4
Recap

The dangers of little black dresses

The Last Supper - The teams try to open restaurants on short notice, and when the men master flirting and service while the women act pinched and irritating, it's another Apex loss. Despite an abundance of fire-worthy women, Jennifer C. is this week's bootee.

09.28.2004
10.03.2004
B+

admin

2-3
Recap

The Tooth Hurts

Send In The Crowns - And so do the candidates' efforts at selling toothpaste. Circuses, Mets, and the bizarre and ugly firing of Stacie punctuate a week with an ironic absence of grins to be found.

09.22.2004
09.28.2004
B+

admin

2-2
Recap

Donut underestimate good ice cream

Scoop Dreams - The teams are sent to sell ice cream, and after Baldford makes the fatal error of giving up the exemption he earned last week, he finds himself on his way home, giving Stacie, Ivana, and Jennifer C. a little more borrowed time on which to live.

09.15.2004
09.19.2004
A

admin

2-1
Recap

Welcome back, suck-ups

Toying With Disaster - The second season kicks off with toys and hair and red pants and whatnot. Bye, Rob. You were roadkill from the start.

09.08.2004
09.14.2004
A

admin

1-14
Recap

He's just a Bill

Down To The Wire, Part II - But he manages to take the competition right out from under Kwame's nose. Golf tournaments! Breakfast meetings! Assorama being dissed by Trump! Yeah, there's some good stuff here.

04.14.2004
04.20.2004
A

admin

1-13
Recap

Goodbye, young lovers

Down To The Wire, Part I - We begin with interviews that quickly do away with Amy and Nick, leaving Bill and Kwame to battle it out for the win. When some of the more recently booted candidates return to act as staff on the final task, Assorama proves once and for all that she is not to be trusted. Don't act surprised.

04.07.2004
04.13.2004
A

admin

1-12
Recap

The penthouse and the doghouse

The Price Is Height - This week's task takes the last five candidates to the ninetieth floor to rent out a lush penthouse for one night. When Nick and Amy get a last-minute save, Protégé heads for the Boardroom. A heartbreaker of a showdown between Kwame and Troy ends with the Idaho potato being sent home. Sniff. Love Troy. LOVE!

03.31.2004
04.05.2004
B+

admin

1-11
Recap

The big gamble

Circus, Circus - The teams head to Atlantic City to come up with a game to attract casino patrons. It turns out that high rollers really do spend more, and a Bill-enriched Protégé manages a victory. After escaping the axe repeatedly, Katrina can avoid it no more, and she is fired.

03.24.2004
03.30.2004
B+

admin

1-10
Recap

The dreaded clip show

A Look Back (Season 1) - Remember when there were ten episodes before this one? And they were really kind of good? Would you like to relive them? Well...okay.

03.17.2004
03.24.2004
C+

admin

1-10
Recap

Your ad here

Wheeling & Dealing - When the teams are challenged to increase the revenue of a pedicab fleet for a day, VersaCorp hits on the idea of plastering the pedicabs with advertising. Troy hits on the idea of selling pedicab rides in bulk. It turns out about the way you would expect, and Heidi gets an overdue booting. Adios, chickadee.

03.10.2004
03.13.2004
B

admin

1-9
Recap

Adieu, Connoisseur of Art and Water

DNA, Heads, And The Undead Kitty - After a long string of bitch sessions, glamour-fests, harangues, and a bump on the head that's gotten more camera time than Martha Stewart in the last week, it's finally time to get rid of the truly odious Assorama. May we all soon forget she was ever here.

03.03.2004
03.09.2004
A

admin

1-8
Recap

Water, water, everywhere, and yet it costs a lot

Ice Escapades - The teams face off at the task of selling expensive Trump-branded water. Troy is still a great salesman, and Bill can close a deal in a pinch. Assorama? Nick? Not so much.

02.25.2004
03.01.2004
B+

admin

1-7
Recap

"You must pay the rent!" "I can't pay the rent!"

Dupe-lex - The candidates renovate a couple of apartments and try to get them rented in three days. It's like Trading Spaces, with less skill and more yelling. Farewell, Tammy -- I think Tiger Woods did you in.

02.18.2004
02.23.2004
B+

admin

1-6
Recap

The Unbearable Lightness of Carson Daly

Tit for Tat - VersaCorp and Protégé line up celebrities to pimp themselves for charity. Everybody loves Rocco DiSpirito and Carson Daly, which just goes to show you what's wrong with the world. And Trump hates everyone at the final table, but only can fire one of them, so it's Jessie going home.

02.11.2004
02.16.2004
B+

admin

1-5
Recap

Somewhere Beyond The Flea

Trading Places - The candidates hawk their wares (what wares they come up with, that is) at a flea market, trying out new teams composed of some chicks and some dudes. Kristi folds like a pair of threes, and she receives the first female boot.

02.04.2004
02.10.2004
B

admin

1-4
Recap

Lonely Planet Hollywood

Ethics, Schmethics - The teams each spend a night managing Planet Hollywood. Both experience ethical dilemmas, but at least the men's strategy isn't putting anyone's life or liquor license in jeopardy. The men manage to drop their fourth challenge in a row, and Bowie takes the boot. Adios, Bowie.

01.28.2004
02.02.2004
B

admin

1-3
Recap

Sam's Enchanted Leaving

Respect - When Trump hits the teams with a negotiating task, the men take the opportunity to put Sam to the test. His paper comes back covered with scribblings in red pen, and at long last, it's time for Trump to dump the chump.

01.20.2004
01.27.2004
B+

admin

1-2
Recap

Ad nauseam

Sex, Lies And Altitude - Trump sends the Trumpettes into the big, cold world of advertising. The men's campaign is boring; the women's campaign is tacky. As you know if you watch any advertising, this means that the women emerge victorious. Goodbye, Jason. Don't be too rough on the tenants.

01.14.2004
01.19.2004
B

admin

1-1
Recap

Donald Trump and the suck-ups

Meet The Billionaire - Meet the sixteen fools who will be competing for an opportunity to suck up to Donald Trump for a living. Never have so many sold so much lemonade for so little reward. Thankfully, the "I have a high IQ" guy gets sent home first. Yech.

01.07.2004
01.11.2004
B

admin

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