Apprentice
A Slice Of Heaven

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Lesson Eight: Horatio Alger Is Mother Goose For Weasels

The price point was set by "team consensus," they explain, so there's no hook there for anybody in particular, and then Carolyn taps into her hat rage: "It's a fucking 7-Eleven, you morons. Any kid off the street would tell you it's too much. This ain't Fancy Street! Did anybody ask a manager or somebody the average price of a sandwich?" Fuckin' Lee did, and it was $5-6, including a drink. "What were you thinking?" she hisses. Leslie's like, price aside, we had a killer promo item, and we're good salespeople, so we were thinking we would sell some sandwiches. George explodes: "It's a fucking sandwich. It doesn't take specialized goddamned expertise to go sell a sandwich. It's not something you can fucking excel at. It's going to come down to price, always." She agrees, but points out they didn't really have a hard time selling the sandwiches.

Michael intensely says that Leslie was a good manager, but they lost after all, and Lee says she did certain things good [sic], but in the end, they lost because of price and overall strategy. So, not listening to Lee, basically, was the problem. And yeah, this week he's right. Carolyn's like, the cooler was awesome, the whole thing is great. One thing got you, and that's sad. Lee gets very excited and yippy about agreeing with her so much about how they did a dumb, bad thing and deserve to be slapped and whatever, he's just such an ass-kisser. George explains to them that the pizza sandwich is actually "two slices of pizza." Which is a good point. You could buy a couple of slices of pizza and whip one up for yourself for like $3. Why you would want to do that, he does not explain. So…say $5, and they've doubled that. Stupid.

Lee's like, "I know right? We suck, right? We bit it on this one, huh?" Finally George has had enough of that little song and dance. "Where the fuck do you get off? Why didn't you fix it, if you were so onto the issue?" Lee whines that he tried. "Not hard enough, pisher." I love George. Lee reminds everyone that it wasn't his decision, and that he gave her the information, and that he basically did nothing, so powerful was his wanting her to lower the price that it was exhausting. Leslie's like, "As usual, Lee is pulling this shit again," and she says it in such a stuttering poor way that not even Carolyn gets what she's saying, and makes a hilarious face: head cocked, mouth a thin line that's both condescending and withering, the entire history of fuck-uppery contained in the arch of one perfect eyebrow. Leslie complains that Lee's never supported a PM, and he screams at her, and they talk over each other and it's obnoxious and they're not saying anything anyway. Trump tells her not to bring only one person back, under any circumstances, and that she should bring back two people, or any number greater than one, and asks which two, not one, people she's bringing back. "Just Lee." Trump asks her who the other person is that she will be bringing back if she knows what's good for her. Nope, just Lee. He's like, "Your funeral, lady."

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Apprentice

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