Apprentice
A Slice Of Heaven

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Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Eight: Horatio Alger Is Mother Goose For Weasels

Leslie and Tarek come up with trivia questions. Trivia questions, now? I don't understand this task at all. What are they all doing? You've got race car drivers, and trivia questions, and hats and coolers and flyers and sandwiches made of pizza, and harassing people on the street and yelling about...I guess that's the definition of a good marketing scheme, but I don't understand the unifying theme, I guess. "Eat this crappy sandwich despite the look and smell of it" is not...that's not enough, I suppose. Seems like a lot of hustle, and a lot of chaos, and a lot of different moving parts, for something that so quickly degenerates to "lemonade stand." Tarek talks about how people want to win prizes and answer trivia questions, because he is invested in the concept that having to constantly prove your intelligence is not a personality flaw, because everyone has it. Leslie and Tarek ooh and ahh about all the amazing facts they are learning about bullshit like "biggest piece of cheese" and shit, and then they both admit they can't name the food groups. Which is so elemental it's archaic. They can't even remember things that are over. What are they doing? What's with the trivia?

Leslie wants them to focus on the cooler, rather than the delights of the disgusting sandwich, which looks basically like day-old pizza with a compound hernia, okay, and names a price of $7.99 for that reason. Lee gets scared, everybody agrees. Lee tells them that the night manager suggested $6.99. Nobody cares, because I'm guessing they've gotten a lot of shit explained to them by Lee today. Like every other day. Charmaine interviews that Lee always takes a contrary stance, as a strategy to cover his ass if they lose. I would say that's part of it, but you can't forget that he's also kind of a dipshit. He does bring out the bully in me, I don't deny it. Tarek and Michael agree to $7.99, Lee whines some more, they all agree that they'll offer two for $8.99, and Lee gets all eyebrows about it. The hate's been growing, but today it is full blown. I am so glad he wasn't around during lots of tasks. Sukkot and Simchat Torah, right? Cross your fingers.

Banners! Signs! Coolers! Balloons! Monkeys! Ladies! Hats! A Donkey! A Trampoline! A Tiffany Lamp! With Balloons Tied To It! Everything in the universe is involved in the marketing for some reason. Charmaine talks to the 7-Eleven employees like they're idiots. Maybe they are, I can't say for sure. No, you know what, I take it back. That was all me. She's just being sales-y. Michael gets very friendly with some people while Tarek yells about the trivia questions outside, screaming at random people, expressing shock that they won't stop. Tarek fucking says aloud that he "can't believe" how "these people are focused" on getting from "Point A to Point B," like, other people and their lives and agendas are still suspect for him. He gets silly and screamy about how the vomitous pizza sandwich will "change your perception of reality" and even though it's for the cameras and for the general showing-off of Tarek, it's very cute nonetheless. Lee tells Leslie and Charmaine that he "overheard" two managers criticizing the price. I picture him skulking, or else just asking a question, like, "Don't you think the price is too high?" Lee interviews in this very creepy, high and mighty, role-playing kind of way where he knows everything and everybody's so silly because he's such a fucking high roller, about how the managers know their customers. "At that point, I don't give a crap if we sold a hundred sandwiches or zero -- the price needs to be lowered." He says this very decisively and firmly.

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