Apprentice
A Tale Of Two Leaders

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Dumb as a (cop) rock
Previously on Keep America Tolerable: Kick A Yappy Little Dog Today: Asked to run a service business for dogs, both teams fastened on the idea of giving dog baths, known in more ambitious circles as "makeovers." The new Apex, run by Jen, had two sudsing locations going and pulled in lots of money, while the new Mosaic, run by Wes, featured such luminaries as Stacy, who didn't want to work, she just wanted to bang on her sense of entitlement all day. When Mosaic came up woefully short (Didn't even do that on purpose! Never had one lesson!), Stacy confidently went into the Boardroom to blame Wes for failing to whip her flanks like she was a racehorse so she would actually do something productive. Trump, however, noticed -- as several of us had -- that Stacy very rarely actually did anything other than Primp, Plot, and Lecture. And while that would make an awesome law firm, it isn't much of a work ethic. Unable to locate any actual contributions Stacy had made along the way -- and dismayed by the fact that she couldn't specify any, either -- Trump put on his booting shoes and sent the annoying little snot on her way home. Go away, punkin. You are not interesting.

Credits. I find Maria's eyebrows just plain unsettling. They seem to look at me and say, "Nerk, nerk! Submit, human!" And, you know, I've never really noticed it, but these credits end with a [BOMP], too.

Twinkly music brings us back to the Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch, where Raj and his salmon-colored blazer (!) and pale blue shirt (?) (feel free to switch those pieces of punctuation; they work either way, according to the commutative property of quizzical fashion) are asking how the Boardroom situation went. Oh, and wait, it turns out that Raj has finished off the outfit with boxers, so...now he's badly dressed and, apparently, taking fashion cues from crazy old perverts. Maria and her giant lapel flower, Audrey III, tell Raj that there was "active conversation" (a concept she feels compelled to demonstrate with "talky-talky" hand signals) between Wes and Andy in the Boardroom. Chris asks who she thinks will take a walk, and she says she suspects that it will be Andy. In a bedroom, Maria confides to us in the sad voice she saves for funerals and golf play-by-play that indeed, Andy's safe return from the Boardroom would leave her "incredibly surprised." Considering how waxy her face already is, I don't know I could even tell if she were surprised, but whatever. The rest of the Boardroom returnees are asked whether everyone picked Andy to go, and they all report that they did. Which isn't true, because Maria seemed to blame Wes, but there you have it. If honesty were class, these people would be edible underwear.

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Apprentice

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