Clay insists that choosing Penn was a great decision because while they are opposites, they create a great project and it shows he can work with anyone. Lisa is called upon to ask Arsenio a question. "Arsenio, do you find me attractive?" Arsenio says that she's beautiful, and a great mind is very sexy. Dayana gets to ask a question: "Arsenio, do you find Lisa attractive?" It may get a laugh, but this is fuckin' pointless. Arsenio has absolutely had to do nothing to prove his worth as an actual apprentice. Clay's trying to take this seriously, but it's clear that Trump heavily favors Arsenio. Where are the cutting comments about how the other underperformed and didn't raise money, or pissed people off? What a letdown.

Final thoughts from Ivanka. She says that Clay was strategically refined and assertive when he needed to be. She says Arsenio had more enemies, and was more passive in his leadership style. Eric says that Clay raised a ton of money for his charity, but Arsenio was undefeated as project manager. Trump lies that he's never been so torn. He's probably this torn deciding which jet to take on a Tuesday. But the winner is Arsenio Hall. Clay takes it well and gives his competitor a hug. Lots of confetti... and we're done.

If this title weren't utterly meaningless, I'd be more upset, as I think Clay really pulled it out in the final challenge with the donors and the fun carnival party and dealing with crazy Debbie Gibson. I feel like Arsenio kind of got off easy, as putting Magic Johnson in his video was really his only big thing. His team all got along, but he had big names but didn't push for bigger donations. Clay got more money from Orel Hershiser (and he showed up) than Arsenio got from the likes of Chris Rock. And Arsenio's party looked like every other boring even on the planet, and his standup wasn't that funny. Perhaps if Clay had just sucked up to Trump more, he might have won.