Apprentice
And the Winner Is…

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Angel Cohn: B | Grade It Now!
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Hall of Fame

Joe was so upset that Aubrey got eliminated, he couldn't bear to sit through this Arsenio/Clay finale. Frankly, I'm not at all excited about the prospect either, and I couldn't care less who wins, so let's get this over with... shall we?

In the grand Probst-ian tradition of ridiculous finale entrances, Trump pretends to be on the phone with the mayor and in dire need of a fast ride (gee, there couldn't be a certain Andretti available, right) to get to the finale on time. The acting here is insanely awful, not only by Trump, but by all of the fake employees standing around. Even the elevator dude. Outside, there's a sleek little race car with Mario Andretti (what a major step up from Michael) behind the wheel, and the two (or at least a stunt man on a green screen) drive through the streets of Manhattan. Trump's hair doesn't move.

He walks up the steps to the Natural History Museum for the finale where some very excited people are delighted to shake his hand, and Alison Sweeney is in the audience clapping like a loon. There's some bad camera action that just shows a poorly framed image of Ivanka for a while before Trump reminds us of Clay and Arsenio's journey to this point. None of it is worth mentioning again, except for that time someone made it rain on Clay. That was the best time.

For the final show, they are in the middle of selling tickets to an event to make cash. They also had to make an ad. It's the comedians vs. the musicians in an ultimate showdown. If only this were done UFC-style.

Team Arsenio
The live audience is laughing hysterically at the fact that Magic Johnson is turned looking in the wrong direction and not being properly filmed, potentially screwing Adam and Arsenio. Apparently there's another take, where we can see both of Magic's eyes. Truly magical... in the most dull way possible.

Team Clay
Debbie is on the phone with her damned cousin, trying to get the mural wall. She's still hella pissed that Clay needs sketches. Clay says the room d├ęcor falls down to him, and he just wants to see it. Debbie is griping to her cousin in a passive aggressive way, saying she needs time to center herself in order to properly sing. Oh, is that the key? Because it seemed like all season she was just singing at the drop of a hat. We didn't realize there was a process.

Back in the live studio, Trump is hyping his family -- well, Ivanka and Eric, who are there. Don is "away." For some reason. What this has to do with the price of tea in China... I have no idea. Back to the pre-taped drama.

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Apprentice

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