Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 628 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Lesson Nine: You Can't Bulk-Sell Bullshit

Quick Quiz: True or False?

1. You are Donald Trump, or a reasonable facsimile thereof. True or False?
2. Telling people how awesome you are will convince people that you are awesome. True or False?
3. Telling people how much you deserve the high life will convince people that you are classy. True or False?
4. Theoretical kick-ass deals that fall through are still kick-ass. True or False?
5. Having been put up as a pawn, twice, somehow shows that you're a fucking karate master in the Boardroom. True or False?
6. People can honestly be expected to believe that Trump and his closest advisors have requested that you be Project Manager on the next task, despite being brought into the Boardroom on almost every loss. True or False?
7. The fact that you've been absent from two tasks is not so much a non-point against you as it is a point in your favor. True or False?
8. Nothing makes people want to be your friend like telling them your fucked-up theory about how they are only ants who exist for you to crush one by one. True or False?

Answer Key: On every level, Lee is a fucking fuck-up.

Charmaine asks whether Trump had anything to say about her, like, her whole embarrassing shot-in-the-dark "You forgot to ask me my opinion/assign homework" deal, and Lee says no, and there's deadly silence, and then Lee tells her he's not mad at her. She's like, "Awesome, douche," and he goes on and on about how "Honestly, not mad, everything's so cool" and she finally tells him, "Perfect." He then lies and tells the whole group that Trump and the Viceroys have requested that he be PM on the next task. I hate him so much. That's so stupid. Tarek is like, "They...said that? Did they?" And he tells them yes, and that his seat in the Boardroom has his "ass imprinted" on it. "This is ridiculous already!" he says, and word to that. It's not every day you get to see a mortifying chucker like this get what's coming to him. It's also not today that you see it, but I feel like you will, and soon, because the things he just pulled are...insupportable. So gross and silly and childish and embarrassing. Did you ever have the friend that discovered the poetry website that will "pay" for and "publish" their poetry because it's just so good that they had to give the poem an award? Sad, you know? But also makes you want to boil their entire head.

Apprentice

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