Assault On Battery

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
Lesson Nine: You Can't Bulk-Sell Bullshit

GR takes a chopper to Trump National, and fuckin' Lee tells us more about how he's in charge of space and time. "This is exactly how I scripted it! Break the streak of four losses, win this task, I'm PM, I look amazing, learn golf from the best golfer in the world...hang out with Mr. Trump in an informal setting…it's great!" Lee's imaginative powers are amazing, but his basic point is: "I hoped we would win! And now we have! I rule!" He tells us how "it's amazing how you go from four straight losses" to winning, because he "felt like crap," as opposed to "how amazing" he feels, after a win. "Winning," he wants us to know, is the "best remedy for feeling like crap." But what, pray tell, is the remedy for being a douchebag? Oh, tell us, Lord Fauntleroy. They all laugh and pants around with Singh, and Charmaine again interviews about how it's a "bittersweet" win, because on one hand, the sweet is that they won the task, but on the other, the bitter, Lee's "lucky" to have gotten the PM title (by lying, I'll remind you) and now just looks even better to Trump, even though Tarek did all the prep work. Which...I'm sure he was "creative director" or whatever, and I'm sure Lee didn't come up with the whole Battery Park thing out of nowhere (both teams went there first), but I can't say he didn't earn it this week. Singh and Trump loves Lee's "swing" and Tarek's "lustrous locks of hair," and Trump just wants to watch Tarek swinging at golf balls for the rest of the day. Again: can't blame him there. Tarek's got a flattering little outfit for every occasion. Tarek gets mind-blowingly ridiculous about finding meaning in an arbitrary and complex universe, all about how Singh is a "consistent golfer" and that GR has "struggled" with that. Except one thing GR has done is be consistent. Consistently crappy.

Vote finals on the interactive fun: Andrea 31% (still low), Lee 22% (WAY low), Allie 11% (kind of low). But I yeah, I do think that Andrea should go home, not because Allie didn't bite this week, but because we've come as far as we can with Andrea. She's not winning, and at this point she's been identified as the problem. Now that Michael, Brent, and whoever else are gone, we're positive that Andrea is the problem.

Allie explains to Roxanne and Tammy and Sean that "in a very short time," they're going to have to make Trump forget the whole "she's a star" thing -- "Take him from [that] to knowing everything that we know." Which doesn't sound so witch-hunty to me yet, because he did show a major card just then, with the "Isn't she the star" stuff, and he really does need to be disabused of this notion. My recommendation: make him feel stupid for ever thinking that. He'll retroactively erase it from his memory and fire her like he just forgot to do it before. Sean whines that he's not going to backstab her, that he wants to "know the truth" and see it for himself. I don't know...what he means by that. If somebody said that to me, I'd tell them to join her team for a task or two, but he's been on her team all along, and...Sean only knows which way the wind's blowing by the way he's blowing with it, because he's intensely a follower. So what he's saying is, "Andrea is making me believe one thing, and it conflicts with what you're making me believe, and that makes my brain hurt." ["It's possible Sean doesn't 'know the truth' about Andrea because he hasn't had to deal with it; Andrea strikes me as the type who only pulls her shit on other women, for whatever reason. Which is not to say that Sean shouldn't have figured that out, too." -- Sars]

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