Assault On Battery

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
Lesson Nine: You Can't Bulk-Sell Bullshit

"We will tear her apart," says Allie, and the world shivers. "It will be the ugliest Boardroom Trump has ever seen. There will be blood on the walls," she vows. She sits up, playing host to something larger than herself. Larger than any of us: "There will be blood on the walls." A smile plays at the corners of her mouth, and little skull-and-crossbones hover over her irises, which have gone all-black: "There will be fucking blood everywhere." In the darkness there is a dry chuckle, like sandpaper on an infant's skin. The deal is struck.

Into the Boardroom! Trump's like, "Allie! Dude! What the hell?" and she's all, "Oh, lots of reasons that we sucked this week, but I blame Andrea mostly." But Trump thought Andrea was such a star! They try to explain how untrue that is, and how he made it up in his mind, and Roxanne explains that "when a team wins four times," a lot of things end up under the radar, and one of those things is the worthlessness of Andrea. He asks if it's possible that he overrated her, and Roxanne blows past that little minefield with some non-Trump facts: that Andrea's not a team player, and that when she's not in charge, she's obnoxious. Grasping at straws to support his killer instincts (the same ones that have led to all those successful marriages), he begs them to admit that, at the least, Andrea might be termed "a better leader than follower," and he is corrected with a swiftness. "No, not at all." She threw in the towel! Allie agrees with Roxanne's point about walking away from the computer when Allie was so rude as to suggest that, as PM, she might have some input into the product. Andrea says it's not true, and Trump just babbles about how he thought Andrea was so damned great. She protests that the team is "rallying around" due to their total fear of her. Trump gets Sean to admit that he's not in "wholehearted" agreement with the team, and Junior asks him who should be fired. "I adore you, but...Allie," he says, because she can't manage "personalities." Which is true, and this is all true, but on the one hand it stopped being about Andrea and started being about Trump a few minutes ago, and second of all, Sean is not about to get a free pass for that criticism, because the only language he's fluent in is "cheerleader," so he doesn't even know what he's talking about. Trump asks if Andrea couldn't possibly adapt even in the absence of Allie breaking her spirit, and Ivanka disagrees subtly that that is Allie's entire job.

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